Archive for December, 2014

Strategy battle image based on 2007ManilaPenSiegeMap.jpg by Chitetskoy on Wikipedia. Used under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

The Nueva Liga Filipina, of course, monitors the goings-on in Makati. Matthew Luke and Hyacinth know their numbers are temporarily depleted due to the N3 Collective’s machinations, but they still want to thwart the threat surrounding the Manila Peninsula — especially with the fact that the Nueva Liga Filipina as a whole still has a bone to pick with Trillanes and company.

The remaining forces gather at the command center, as always.

Mr. Tulfo: I’m picking up large concentrations of unusual energy around the Manila Peninsula and…

The chief strategist is surprised by what he sees in the monitor.

Mr. Tulfo: Anak ng tipaklong naman ito! First, they invaded the hotel. And then, they erect an invisible magical barrier around it?!
Matthew Luke: Classic RPG villain plan. Gusto nilang palabasin na sila lang ang malakas at kayang baguhin ang gobyerno. But knowing those nincompoops…

Suddenly, an incoming transmission interrupts the conversation.

Trillanes: How are you, Arroyo lapdogs? You’ve defeated us before, but that is just one battle! Now, our war against the corrupt Arroyos and their ilk has just begun! This magical barrier of ours has the power to accept only our most loyal soldiers and sympathizers. Kaya kung meron pa kayong mga bombolyas na labanan kami ulit, you are free to come to the Manila Pen. But beware: prepare to get PWNED! Ahahaha…

The transmission ends.

Hyacinth: Yung sinasabi niyang “invincibility”, ibinubuyangyang lang niya na parang… ano… kwan.
Matthew Luke: We’ve defeated the Magdalo Group before… and this time… we’ll finally knock some sense into that knucklehead!
Mr. Tulfo: Yes, that is our ultimate plan. But first… we must first arrange a meeting with the AFP.
Matthew Luke: Opo, Sir Bitag. We need to augment our numbers.

Thirty minutes later, the NLF arranges an emergency blitz meeting with the AFP. Naturally, both sides agree to work side-by-side in invading the occupied Manila Pen.

Furthermore, someone from the AFP who used to work at the Philippine branch of the well-known German company, Bosch, tipped about one single vulnerability of the barrier surrounding the Manila Pen: it is weak against precisely-applied, armor-puncturing force, which Bosch’s line of demolition hammers can offer. Both sides readily agree to that suggestion.

In less than an hour, the NLF and AFP contingents pay a visit to the office of Robert Bosch, Inc., which is located at L. V. Locsin Building — just a very short walk away from the Manila Pen. In no time, they easily acquire the Bosch GSH 11VC Professional demolition hammers, with the AFP footing the bill.

After acquiring the hammers, which will be used by all five assigned squads of the NLF, the contingents arrive at a spot near the hotel, along the corner of Makati and Ayala Avenues. In order to not get detected by the enemy, the combined forces agree to scatter their forces around the perimeter of the hotel.

Via encyrpted walkie-talkies, the commander of the AFP contingent, Lt. Col. Juan “Juanon” Anonuevo, communicates with Matthew Luke and Hyacinth to plan their on-the-spot tactics.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Nakilala ko kayo in the news. I know what you two’re capable of. But enough talk. Let’s get down to business. The demolition hammers we acquired have an impact energy of 23 joules, with an impact rate of 1700 bpm. Kung hindi kayo sanay sa mga numero, the energy emitted by these hammers per minute is equivalent to nine grams of TNT.
Hyacinth: Pero bakit pa tayo kumuha ng demolition hammers imbis na TNT?
Lt. Col. Juanon: You know, missy, even a few grams of TNT can be dangerous. Paano na lang kung merong nangyaring aksidente during our mission, tapos aksidenteng nagalaw yung dala-dalang tingi-tinging TNT? Imagine the damage!
Matthew Luke: As far as I’m concerned, mas pinahahalagahan natin yung efficiency ng mga units natin. As Sir Bitag has told me earlier, we need to be well-rounded. Kailiangang mawasak yung barrier ASAP, kailangan i-cover yung mga kakampi natin, at kailangang mabilis ang pag-dispatsa sa mga kalaban — that’s three roles in one.
Lt. Col. Juanon: Correct. We all can’t be tanks, we all can’t be snipers, and we all can’t be healers. So, if you have any more questions — and I believe that you don’t have any, let’s officially start the mission.
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: Roger.

Strategy Battle 6: The Manila Peninsula Siege

Victory Condition: Destroy the barrier surrounding the Manila Peninsula.

Loss Condition: All friendly units are defeated.


Just then, something is broadcast from the occupied hotel.

Trillanes: Ooohhh… mukhang nakatapak kayo sa aming teritoryo. Talagang ang lalaki ng mga bombolyas ninyo. Tapos meron pa kayong mga kasama sa AFP na maka-Gloria Butangera! Your actions, along with the illegal president’s, really stupidify our nation!
Matthew Luke: Habang ikaw, Lelouch Lamperouge wannabe, you bloviate us with your retarded actions that hurt the economy more than what your supposedly “evil midget” president is doing. It’s about time you and your Magdalo buddies shut up for good.
Trillanes: Sige, subukan n’yo lang. You will still get PWNED!

From the Manila Pen, ten enemy units appear and surround the inner walls of the barrier.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Hmph. The enemy outnumbers us, 5:4. But no matter. Even small armies can still do big, like the 300 Spartans.
Hyacinth: Sayang naman at walang higanteng balon na malapit dito. Gusto ko kasing gayahin si King Leonidas.
Lt. Col. Juanon: Tama na yung mga internet memes, please. Let’s just focus on the action.

Player Turn 1

Guest Unit 1 decides to move a little close to Guest Unit 3, and then defends.
Guest Unit 2 decides to move a little close to Guest Unit 3, and then defends.
Guest Unit 3 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 1 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 2 decides to move a little close to Friendly Unit 1, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 3 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 4 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 5 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.

Just then…

A hooded man, known only as the Heckler Summoner (Guest Unit 4), abruptly shows up atop a building near Glorietta.

Matthew Luke: Sino ka? Anong ginagawa mo rito?
The Heckler Summoner: Sabihin natin na hindi kita kaaway, at sabihin natin na hindi kita kakampi. I just want to test this new toy I have.
Hyacinth: Hoy! Seryosong labanan ito! Manila Pen siege ito! Don’t just stand there and waggle your new “toy” around!
The Heckler Summoner: Just watch… and be amazed.

The hooded man then brings out his “toy”, the Diendriver. He then inserts three cards into it.


And with a squeeze of the trigger, a portal is summoned on the side of Ayala Avenue that is opposite the Makati Stock Exchange. And out of the portal comes the three aforementioned Kamen Riders, which are assigned as Guest Unit 5.

KR Decade: Huh? Napadpad na naman ako sa Pilipinas? Isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito… yung lalaki at babaeng nakilala ko nong nakabangaan ko si Kris Aquino… malapit sila. Heh… tutulungan ko sila ulit sa mumunting misyon nila.
KR Wing Knight: Kit?
KR Dragon Knight: Len?
KR Wing Knight: I think we end up somewhere completely different.
KR Dragon Knight: Sure thing. The atmosphere is different from that of Ventara, for once. But… why did we end up here? I was supposed to meet up with Kyoko [Sakura] at the bench near the fountain. And you were supposed to be with Kase, right?
KR Wing Knight: Yup, she and I are supposed to be on a date… along with you and Kyoko.
KR Decade: Wait a minute… those two guys resemble Ryuki and Knight, but they speak English. (faces the two) Hey, maybe I can help you two.
KR Dragon Knight: Oh! We believe you’re a Kamen Rider, but we don’t remember anyone wearing… magenta.
KR Decade: Enough with the color snobbery, you two. I’m Tsukasa Kadoya, also known as Kamen Rider Decade. I have a hazy memory of you two since I think I may or may have not stepped into your world.
KR Wing Knight: So you travel across dimensions other than our own?
KR Decade: Yes. And there are so many Kamen Riders like you who reside on those dimensions. But enough talk. Let’s just assist that guy and girl I’ve helped before in my journey.
KR Dragon Knight: If you say so… (Wait a minute… that boy… he has the potential to wield a fragment of my power… and that girl… she has the potential to wield a fragment of Kyoko’s power…)

Enemy Turn 1

All Enemy Units decide to stay in their current positions, and then defend.

Player Turn 2

All Guest Units except for Guest Unit 4 decide to approach the Manila Peninsula, but they are repelled by the barrier. They all defend.
Guest Unit 4 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
All Friendly Units decide to approach the Manila Peninsula, and then use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. Current barrier strength: 85%.

Enemy Turn 2

Enemy Units 3, 4, and 5 decide to attack Guest Units 1, 2, and 3. All members of those three Guest Units suffer damage equivalent to 25% of their max HP.
The rest of the Enemy Units decide to stay in their current positions, and then defend.

Player Turn 3

All Guest Units except for Guest Unit 4 decide to attack Enemy Units 3, 4, and 5. All members of those three Enemy Units suffer damage equivalent to 25% of their max HP.

The Heckler Summoner: Ngayon, para sa aking mga primera-klaseng baraha…

He then inserts nine cards into his Diendriver.


The nine characters, who are all voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, then show up between the locations of Friendly Units 2 and 5.

Matthew Luke: Wh-Wha?!
The Heckler Summoner: O ano, namangha kayo? Sit tight, ’cause the REAL show is about to start.
Hyacinth: Alright! Dahil dito, tumaas na ang morale natin!
Lt. Col. Juanon: But don’t get too cocky, OK?

All Friendly Units decide to use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. Current barrier strength: 65%.

Enemy Turn 3

All Enemy Units decide to get out of the barrier area. But before they decide to attack, Guest Unit 4 decides to perform something.

The mysterious guy inserts a gold-foiled card into his Diendriver, and…

The Heckler Summoner: Sic ’em, boys!

When the Diendriver’s trigger is fired, Luke, Asch, Roddick, Cecil, the Prince of Persia, Haseo, Ben, and Raze all get behind Suzaku and prepare themselves for several powerful Spinzaku Kicks. The Spinzaku Kicks completely obliterate Enemy Units 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.

KR Decade: Ngek! Diend, ikaw na naman? Oh well, mukhang mas madali na ang trabaho natin.

Shocked by the turnout, Enemy Units 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 decide to return inside the barrier and do nothing.

Player Turn 4

KR Decade: Hinding-hindi ako patatalo sa iyo! I’ve got a unique card, too!
KR Dragon Knight: May I ask what’s in that card?
KR Decade: It’s a secret. Because if I’ll reveal it… you two might not be going home to your significant others…
KR Wing Knight: Understandable.

As he inserts another specialty card, which is entirely different from the South Park-based Attack Ride card he used on Kris Aquino…

Lt. Col. Juanon: Heh… Who would’ve even thought all this craziness can be contained in just these simple cards?
Matthew Luke: Hoy! You told us before not to get too distracted! Heto kami… we’re almost through breaking the barrier!
Lt. Col. Juanon: Oh yeah, I forgot my own advice.

So what’s the unique card Decade whips up?

Voice of the Decadriver: ATTACK RIDE: 2 GIRLS 1 CUP!

Out of nowhere, “Lovers Theme” by Herve Roy plays. Meanwhile, inside the barrier, the code “MFX 1209” appears, followed shortly by a full-screen shot of two girls who are about to begin one of the most revolting acts ever performed.

Yup. It’s the infamous viral video of two girls defecating into a cup and sharing the disgusting brown substance. And inside the barrier, the remaining Magdalo soldiers (Enemy Units 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5) have their eyes raped by what they see.

After the one-minute video is over, they do one of three things:
1. They flee back inside the Manila Pen, screaming in agony.
2. They vomit gallons and gallons before they faint.
3. They decide to end their own lives by shooting themselves in the head, stating beforehand that they have lost all faith in humanity.

All Enemy Units are eliminated, but the barrier is still standing. All who stand outside the barrier are puzzled by the turnout.

Haycinth: Ano ba’ng ginawa ni Decade at naging ganyan ang mga taga-Magdalo? Oh well… wala na tayong kumpetisyon!

All Friendly Units decide to use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. With no competition to hinder them…

Hard Gay: Pierce the heavens, HOOO~!

In just one turn, the barrier surrounding the Peninsula Manila is finally broken.

Matthew Luke: Whew! Sa wakas!
KR Decade: There you go, Nueva Liga Filipina. Tinulungan ko kayo uli.
KR Dragon Knight: We didn’t do much here, really, but a win is a win.
The Heckler Summoner: Yeba! Now that I’m satisfied with the results of my new toy, I can safely get my butt out of here. (teleports)


The Nueva Liga Filipina, the AFP contingent, and the three Kamen Riders then converge, now that they have decisively won the strategy battle.

KR Decade: Matthew Luke, Hyacinth, magpasalamat kayo at tinulungan ko kayo uli.
Matthew Luke: Walang anuman, really. It’s good to see you again, Tsukasa. And you two…
KR Dragon Knight: Yes, I’m sensing something… wonderful from you two.
Matthew Luke: Oh, so you are Kit Taylor and Len, right? But why are you observing us?
KR Dragon Knight: To make the long story short… I may or may not have a faint connection with you, young man… and my love, Kyoko Sakura… she may or may not have a faint connection with you, young woman.
KR Wing Knight: Well, since we stepped into this… foreign land… he couldn’t stop sensing… some great power within you. He told me that the connections he senses have an… emotionally dimensional element to it.
KR Decade: Man, all this talk about dimensions makes me want to leave.

Just then, a portal appears.

KR Decade: Perfect timing. We must all go now. See you again sometime, Nueva Liga Filipina.
KR Dragon Knight: It was nice meeting you for even a few minutes… but as he says… we will meet again in different pages someday.
KR Wing Knight: Until then… farewell, future allies.

The three Kamen Riders then walk towards the portal, which then vanishes.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Man… we never expected the Manila Pen siege to turn out like this… But then, phase 1 of the counterattack is a success. We musn’t rest on our laurels yet.
Matthew Luke: Yes! Just you wait and see, Trillanes… your days of trouble-making are over!

Meanwhile, inside the still-occupied Manila Pen…

Trillanes is getting absolutely angry at both the loss of the barrier and many of his men. To express his anger, he blurts out a long chain of curse words in different languages, ending with the following:

Trillanes: Walang-kuwentang *()*&^##(&$#$ barrier generator na ito! (slams the generator, which was damaged once the barrier was broken) Hindi natin inasahan that several powerful German-made jackhammers, tatlong sawsawerong Masked Riders, ang card freak na iyon na ginaya si Lolzaku, at ang p***ng 2 Girls 1 Cup na iyan ang bubulilyaso sa plano natin! Talagang mga hinayupak na mga kakampi ni Gloria Butangera na iyan…!
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: Master, at least meron pa tayong plan B. Any minute from now, susugod sila rito. Kaya mabuti pang i-activate ang mga optical camouflage devices natin.
Trillanes: (calms down) Good, good. I just lost my patience. Yung plan A sana ang best plan natin. But just you wait and see, Nueva Liga Filipina kuno! Your subnormal intelligence is the very essence of your humiliating pathetic existence. You will outsmart us no more in our sincere fight against the one and only source of corruption in this country! AHAHAHAHA!!!

Once the optical camouflage devices are activated on Trillanes, Lim, and Guingona…

…the thrill of the hunters and the hunted begins.

Stars Introduced So Far


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