Archive for September, 2007

Cristy: Ngayon, mga mandirigma, napagalaman ko mula sa impormanteng iyon na nahahati ang fortress ni DJ Mo sa tatlong bahagi. Kaya upang tugisin ang pinuno, kailangan nating bumuo ng tatlong grupo. Maliwanag?
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: Opo.
Mr. Tulfo: Now please form your party.

(Please select at most twenty battle members from the current roster. Matthew Luke and Hyacinth are required. Ben Tulfo and Cristy Fermin will also be in the team as part of the entourage.)

The selected members are the following:
1. Matthew Luke
2. Hyacinth
3. Yeng
4. Shiho
5. Nash
6. Batista
7. Mizuki
8. Asa
9. Ayu
10. Misuzu
11. Arcueid
12. Saber
13. Hero
14. Sandara
15. Joseph
16. Angel
17. Pritong Kandule
18. Multi

Matthew Luke: So what’re we waiting for? Let’s all head out!
Reginald, Ma. Yukina, Kaede: Ingat kayo palagi, ha.

The formed contingent then heads toward the ABC-5 compound in Novaliches, Quezon City via an armored car built by Mint. Once the car reaches the front gate of the compound, Cristy immediately gives the fine points.

Cristy: Una, dahil hahati tayong lahat sa tatlo, importante na mayroon tayong dala-dalang mga walkie-talkie. Napakaimportante ito.
Mr. Tulfo: And by the way, modified ang mga walkie-talkie na gagamitin ninyo para hindi ma-intercept ng mga kalaban natin ang mga transmissions na gagawin ninyo.
Cristy: Napalaki ng fortress na itinayo ni DJ Mo; mas malaki pa ito kaysa sa aktuwal na main building ng ABC-5. At base sa blueprint na ito, isa itong napalaking maze na may tatlong entrance. Meron din itong mga electronic doors na ang mga switch nila’y kadalasang malayo sa kanila. Hindi rin siyempre mawawala ang mga gwardiya. Kaya upang lagpasin ang maze na ito, malakas na koordinasyon ng tatlong grupo ang kaliangan. Maliwanag?
The rest of the contingent: OK!
Mr. Tulfo: Si Cristy ang hahawak sa Alpha Team. Ako naman sa Bravo Team. Charlie Team, you can handle things on your own, right? So everyone, let’s roll!

The contingent alights the armored car, then splits into three teams as directed. Each team goes to one of the three entrances of the fortress.  

(Dungeon portion: You control one team at a time, finding the doors and their corresponding switches to get through the maze. If the team you’re controlling is stuck, you can switch to another party. And yes, random encounters are back here. Recommended dungeon BGM: “Crystal Tower” from Final Fantasy III.)

The three groups successfully penetrate the huge labyrinth, and now they all stand together inside a huge, minimally-decorated room. Opposite them are DJ Mo, his three subordinates, and Tony Boy.

DJ Mo: I never expected you interlopers to penetrate the labyrinth I designed and planned.
Matthew Luke: No matter how huge a fortress is, it’ll someday go down like the Titanic. Now, on to more pressing matters. Why… Why do you have to radically reform our showbiz industry?
DJ Mo: I have said this a thousand times in my radio show, and I’ll say it to the likes of you. Our showbiz industry is in utter chaos. Though your organization may have quelled that chaos by putting the war between ABS-CBN and GMA to a halt, in my eyes, it is not the best solution. The best solution is to destroy the powers that be. Those two giant television networks that are continually enslaving the entire nation with their crap!
Matthew Luke: Then why are you going to such extremes as manipulating Hero and ABC-5, smuggling and using Orphnoch DNA from Smart Brain for you and your cohorts to use, even involving our fair President in this mess?!
DJ Mo: They are all for the ideal. A perfect showbiz world where no greedy bastards take advantage of poor, ignored celebrities such as Hero. It may be fighting fire with fire, but it’s better than letting the wound fester and thus infect the entire body!
Matthew Luke: Stopping your plans may also be fighting fire with fire, but we do it because Philippine Showbizlandia wants rest from continuing violence!
DJ Mo: It’s better if your damn organization will be the one getting rest… (prepares battle stance) …and never rising from the grave!


[Duel: Matthew Luke Laonglaan vs. DJ Mo Twister]

Can you go against the wind?
Come on, what are you waiting for?
Let’s see if you can faze me.
Shake a leaf, mercenary leader.
Are you speedy enough to damage me?

Here I go!
No holding back!
This will hurt a little bit… if you can take it.
You’re just a leaf caught in the winds of fate.
I’m the wind; you’re just a pile of earth.

Now for the strongest in my arsenal!
This will hurt more than a Category-5 hurricane!
This will hurt more than a super typhoon!
Aeromancer’s Special! Twister Cacophony!
Your dreams of opposing me will be shattered in an instant.

[End of duel]

DJ Mo: I’ve… underestimated you… I’ve tried to stop you all along since you got your damn powers from Mt. Makiling… but my resolve… will never falter! Tony Boy, chant your strongest spell!
Tony Boy: Yes, Master. (steps forward and extends his arms) Megaloxanga Marmita Ensitre Suth’filwal!

A giant magic circle occupies the space where the NLF contingent and DJ Mo and co. stand opposite each other. It then engulfs all of them, and vanishes.

The opposing sides then reappear on an open-air, concrete-floored lot situated near a massive grassfield. It is just a stone’s throw away from the fortress.

DJ Mo: What the f*** did you do, Tony Boy? Your strongest spell is a mass teleportation spell?! You were supposed to eliminate them, not use that b*******!
Tony Boy: That is really my strongest spell, my master.
DJ Mo: Away with you! And never call me master from now on! (zaps Tony Boy with a wind-elemental beam)
Tony Boy: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! (faints)
La Greta: Aaaahhh! Ang kerido ko!
DJ Mo: (facing La Greta) And don’t ever feel sorry for that prick! (zaps La Greta with a mind-control beam, as well as Borgy and Loren)
La Greta, Borgy, Loren: (lifelessly) Yes, Master.
Hyacinth: DJ Mo, that’s enough!
DJ Mo: Enough? ENOUGH?! I won’t get enough of your shenanigans unless I and my subordinates try to eliminate all of you right here and now!

DJ Mo prepares his battle stance again, but this time, he equips a power scanner, much like those ones seen in Dragon Ball Z. And he releases a much more sinister aura.

Cristy: Well… ano na ang hinihintay natin?
Mr. Tulfo: Let’s do it, guys!

The members of the NLF contingent ready themselves. 

Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: Everyone… It’s morphing time!
Mizuki, Asa, Ayu, Misuzu, Arcueid, Saber: Ren’ai Rangers, power up! Ha!
Hero: Transform into Mysterio!
Sandara: Transform into Sohee!
Joseph: Transform into Black Gladiator!
Angel: Haaaahhhh… (casts Fusion on herself to transform into Darna)

The aforementioned allies are then transformed into their respective forms.

Mizuki: Power of creativity! Mizuki Takase, Comipa Ranger!
Asa: Power of temperance! Asa Shigure, Shuffle Ranger!
Ayu: Power of consciousness! Ayu Tsukimiya, Uguu Ranger!
Misuzu: Power of heavenly life! Misuzu Kamio, Gao Ranger!
Arcueid: Power of shining shadows! Arcueid Brunestud, Vampire Ranger!
Saber: Power of the holy knight! Saber, Fate Ranger!
Mizuki, Asa, Ayu, Misuzu, Arcueid, Saber: Endless romantic love spirits! Visual Novel Sentai! Mighty Lovin’ Ren’ai Rangers!

They then pose.

Hero: The world still needs heroes, unlike what Tina Turner has sung! Hero Angeles, transformed as Mysterio!
Sandara: Korean blood! Filipino passion! Warrior perfection! Sandara Park, transformed as Sohee!
Joseph: Not all darkness is evil! Joseph Bitangcol, transformed as the Black Gladiator!
Hero, Sandara, Joseph: We are the Brave Stars!

They then pose.

Angel: You’re getting in my way, so bite me! Ako si… DARNA!

She then poses.

Cristy: Ang tunay na nagwawatak sa showbiz…
Mr. Tulfo: …at sa buong Pilipinas…
Cristy & Mr. Tulfo: …AY DAPAT MAWALA!

The rest of the NLF contingent poses.

The battlefield is at a standstill for a few seconds, with the opposing sides ready to release their primal energies. And they do.

Borgy: Master, what does your scanner say about their power levels?
DJ Mo: (while gradually crushing his scanner) They’re way, way OVER NINE THOUSAAAANNNNDDDD!!!
La Greta and Loren: What 9,000?! There’s no way that can be right!
Matthew Luke: And if that’s still not enough…
Hyacinth: …we’ll join the henshin club!

The childhood friends then detach their first shining jewels from their respective wristbands.

Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Standing by.
Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Standing by.

They then apply the jewels directly to their foreheads.

Matthew Luke: Protagonist Change!
Hyacinth: Heroine Change!

Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Complete.
Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Complete.

After the word “Complete” is said, the childhood friends then transform into the First Blessed Beings.

Matthew Luke: I’ve reinstated my past memories, which were once blank. Now I use those memories to fulfill everyone’s future… everyone’s promise! Ako ang Unang Pinagpalang Nilalang, si Yuuichi Aizawa!
Hyacinth: From the race of demihumans who have the ability to hear the echoes of nature… I spring forth to topple an oppressive empire! Ako ang Unang Pinagpalang Nilalang, si Fran!

They then pose.

Seconds later, all of the battle members line up horizontally, and patriotically shout…


Multicolored explosions then follow.

DJ Mo: Power Rangers… Super Sentai… they’re all boring crap to me. (face is transformed) Only my forbidden questions are the best that entertainment can bring! My subordinates, fuse with me!
La Greta, Loren, Borgy: Yes, Master!

With the fusion of DJ Mo and his subordinates comes a humanoid monster of a thousand faces, with arms crossed like the aeon Anima’s, and with an overwhelming desire to ensorcell Philippine showbusiness with a myriad of questions.

Shadow of DJ Mo: Welcome to Good Times with DJ Mo Twister, now known as the Inquisitor Orphnoch!


Allies: Anyone from the contingent you formed earlier
Enemy: Inquisitor Orphnoch (HP: 19,716)

Starting line-up: Matthew Luke, Hyacinth, Yeng, Shiho, Nash, Batista

Matthew Luke chooses to do a cooperative attack with Hyacinth named “Osananajimi”. That attack deals 10 hits and 795 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Yeng chooses to cast Dos Hiranos on all allies. All allies’ ATK and INT increased.
Shiho chooses to cast Dobleng Kalasag on Yeng. Yeng’s DEF and MDEF increased.
Nash chooses to cast Spy’s Darts on Inquisitor Orphnoch. That attack deals 621 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Batista chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. He deals 1200 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to defend.
Matthew Luke chooses to do a cooperative attack with Hyacinth named “Osananajimi”. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Yeng chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Shiho chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Nash chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Batista chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to defend.
Matthew Luke chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. He deals 668 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Hyacinth chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. She deals 518 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Yeng chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Shiho chooses to cast Apoy1 on Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Nash chooses to cast Spy’s Darts on Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Batista chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to cast Aerovelocity on itself. Inquisitor Orphnoch’s SPD increased by 40.
Matthew Luke chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Hyacinth chooses to attack Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch dodges the attack!
Yeng chooses to cast Mousoukan-giri on Inquisitor Orphnoch. That attack deals 1644 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to attack Shiho with its Question 34 (“Is there porn of it? No exceptions?”). It deals 222 damage to Shiho.
Shiho chooses to cast Hilom1 on herself. Shiho’s HP is restored to full.
Nash chooses to cast Poison Edge on Inquisitor Orphnoch. That attack deals 932 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch. But Inquisitor Orphnoch is not Poisoned!
Batista chooses to cast Batista Bomb on Inquisitor Orphnoch. That attack deals 2486 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.
Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to attack Batista with its Question 1 (“Will you never talk about /b/?”). It deals 192 damage to Batista, but Batista immediately counterattacks! Batista then deals 1357 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch. A critical hit!

Since the Inquisitor Orphnoch’s HP is now less than 50%…

Shadow of DJ Mo: Are you ready, my underlings? It’s time we show those plebians the meaning of true showbiz reform!
Shadows of La Greta, Borgy, Loren: Yes, Master.

Inquisitor Orphnoch chooses to cast Twister Banishment on all allies. All allies’ HP’s reduced to 1.


Shadow of DJ Mo: How is it, motherf***ers? Are you now convinced to join my plan of showbiz reform now that I owned you all, even with your fancy-schmancy powers? Ahahahaha!!!
Matthew Luke: Sana’y… may… reinforcements… tayo…
Three male voices: At kami iyon!

Out of nowhere, the three improved Gundams (namely the “Destiny” versions of the old “Seed” Mobile Suits) appear, hovering over the semi-incapacitated contingent.

Kira, Athrun, Shinn: Target locked on! FIRE!

The Gundams fire a volley at the Orphnoch.

Inquisitor Orphnoch: Rarr!
Shadow of DJ Mo: Arrggghhh! More intruders in s***ty mobile suits?! How could this happen?!
Hyacinth: Th-this is great! Napakahusay!
Kira, Athrun, Shinn: Tutulong kami sa oras na hindi ninyo inaasahan, salamat sa Makili– este, mythril.
Mr. Tulfo: I expected the Gundams to be improved in a short time salamat kina Mint at sa inyong mga Gundam pilots, and it is indeed is a good development on our part.
Cristy: Ngayon, oras na upang ilabas ang natatanging lakas mula sa ating lahat!
All allies: Time to combine our powers!

What follows is a series of consecutive uber-powerful attacks, starting with this.

Kira, Athrun, Shinn: Coordinated Destined Attack! ZETTA AND MIKURU BEEEEEEEAAAAAMMMM!!!
Mizuki, Asa, Ayu, Misuzu, Arcueid, Saber: Combine powers! Romantic Love Blaster! FIRE!
Hero: Special Move! Data Drain!
Sandara: Special Move! Taepodong!
Joseph: Special Move! Wave of Charon!
Angel: Ha! (performs AbareSprint)

Matthew Luke brings out a jar of Akiko Minase’s jam.

Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Ready.

Hyacinth begins to gather mist into her hands.

Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Ready.

Matthew Luke: You’ll suffer a fate worse than a fatality.
Hyacinth: Say goodbye to your “forbidden questions”.
Inquisitor Orphnoch: Grarr…
Shadow of DJ Mo: It’s not over yet, you self-righteous twits!
Shadow of La Greta: Well, we’ll leave you now and live as humans again, pompous DJ.
Shadow of Loren: I’ve got to run for senator, you know.
Shadow of Borgy: One second we joined you, another second we’ll leave you.
Shadow of DJ Mo: WHAT?! You’re disobeying me — AGAIN?! Gawdemmit!
Shadows of La Greta, Loren, Borgy: Ta ta! See you never!

The parts that comprise the three defected subordinates then viciously separate from the Inquisitor Orphnoch’s main body. As a result, the remainder is now engulfed in blue flames, signifying its impeding death.

Matthew Luke: (while opening the jar of Akiko’s jam) Now’s the time!
Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Exceed Charge.
Hyacinth: (while starting to perform Fran’s first-level Quickening) Hyah!
Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Exceed Charge.

The childhood friends simultaneously perform their Exceed Charges, Akiko’s Jam of Doom and Feral Strike, on Inquisitor Orphnoch.

That series of attacks, including the Exceed Charges, deals 50 hits and 99999 damage to Inquisitor Orphnoch.

Inquisitor Orphnoch: GWWWWWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!

While the Inquisitor Orphnoch is being disintegrated, the rune of the Unang Pinagpalang Nilalang appears briefly. And then, the Inquisitor Orphnoch explodes in a glorious blaze.

Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: The end justifies the means.


[Display “DJ MO TWISTER: VANQUISHED” on screen, a la Final Fantasy XII]

A moment of brief silence prevails after the explosion, and then the images of a man and a woman appear near the victorious contingent.

Man’s voice: Salamat sa inyo at pinatunayan ninyo ang lakas na makapambabago sa buong Pilipinas.
Woman’s voice: Kami ang Pangalawang Pinagpalang Nilalang na handang maglingkod sa inyo.
Yukito: Ako si Yukito Kunisaki, isang manlalakbay, na dati nang naghanap ng babaeng nasa hangin.
Refia: Ako si Refia, isa ring manlalakbay, na pumigil sa pagbuhos ng kadiliman sa mundo ng liwanag kasama ang tatlo kong kaibigan.
Matthew Luke: Di ko inaasahang magpapakita kayo rito. Pero, mas oks pa rin ito kaysa sa wala.
Hyacinth: Ngayon, hindi na kami magpapatumpik-tumpik pa. Bigyan n’yo kami ng kapangyarihan!
Yukito & Refia: Maliwanag, mga pinagpipitagang mandirigma. Bandi Bandu Ted Hannah!

Yukito and Refia disappear, and the rune that represents the Pangalawang Pinagpalang Nilalang (Second Blessed Being) then glows briefly in each of the wristbands.

Matthew Luke’s Second Blessed Being: Yukito Kunisaki
Transformation effect: MATK and MDEF tripled; Misuzu’s stats boosted
Exceed Charge: Potato’s Cheap
Summon Potato to inflict physical damage to an enemy.

Hyacinth’s Second Blessed Being: Refia
Transformation effect: LUK tripled; allies may block/counter 25% better than usual
Exceed Charge: Freelancing
Perform a sword draw to an enemy that will lead to any of the following: an attack that is twice the normal physical damage, an attack that is thrice the normal physical damage, or a miss.

Yukito’s & Refia’s voices: At huwag kaliligtaan. Bawal ang umabuso ng kapangyarihan, lalo na kung napakalakas ito.
Matthew Luke & Hyacionth: Maliwanag. (faces the rest of the contingent) Everyone, let’s go home.

That night.

The Nueva Liga Filipina still wonders where La Greta, Loren, and Borgy went after their vicious and spontaneous defection from DJ Mo. But that is not a major concern for them.

Cristy: Maraming, maraming salamat sa pagpigil sa isa sanang malaking sigalot na magwawasak sa buong larangan ng showbiz sa Pilipinas, Nueva Liga Filipina.
Tony Boy: At salamat din sa pagsalba sa aking buhay at sa aking ABC-5 na ginamit lamang ni DJ Mo Twister para sa sarili niyang kapakanan disguised as “radical showbiz reform”.
Matthew Luke: As usual, ang sasabihin namin ay… walang anuman.
Hyacinth: Trabaho lang namin ito; walang personalan.
Mr. Lopez: Kahit na itinuturing kitang isang kumpetitor, Mr. Cojuangco, itinuturing din kitang isang kapwa broadcaster. We executives have our full responsibility to our mass audiences, right? I am now practicing healthy competition, along with Madam Galvante, and you should do it, too.
Tony Boy: Siyempre, hindi ko kinakalimutan ang social responsibility. And to improve my social responsibility, kakalimutan ko na si Gretchen. Wala nang kerida, wala nang kabit mula ngayon.
Nikki, Shiho, Yeng: (singing) Love is real / Real is love / Love is feeling / Feeling love / Love is wanting / To be loved~

The entire army then spends the rest of the night with songs and nothing but songs.

And speaking of love…

January now draws to a close with the DJ Mo incident finally resolved, and February about to take the previous month’s place. Something wonderful (well, not all that) will happen in the month of love. Find out in the next story arc!

Stars Introduced So Far


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