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Archive for May, 2007

Some days have passed since the food poisoning incident at the ASEAN Summit. The people of Nueva Liga Filipina are more relaxed now, but they still don’t let their guard down should anything bad happen.

January 26th. Sanzo is walking on a busy suburban area a few miles away from Balay Kapatiran. He is running a grocery errand for Hyacinth’s parents and Kaede when he stumbles upon something catchy at the window of an electronics store.

“You are watching ABC-5. Iba tayo! Death to Telenobela!”

Sanzo: Hmm… Ano ba itong pakulo ng ABC-5? Hindi ko iyon malalaman kung hindi ko papanoorin, hindi ba?

And so the monk stops walking for a while to watch the channel.

Announcer: Mula sa bulwagang pambalitaan ng ABC-5, ito ang ABC Aksyon News kasama si Borgy Manotoc.
Borgy: Death to telenobela.
Announcer: At ang kanyang co-anchor, si Loren Legarda.
Loren: Ahh… pinapahintulot ng aking asawa na sabihin lang ang “death to telenobela”.
Announcer: Ang lagay ng panahon kasama si Jun Lalin.
Jun Lalin: Ngayong weekend, magiging mainit to the max ang panahon. Heto, ibibigay ko sa iyo ang isa sa mga pampalamig: death to telenobela!
Announcer: Si Dean Nyakki para sa isports.
Dean Nyakki: Ibabalita ko ang nakaraang sagupaan nina Andrew Wolf at Cesar Montano sa Araneta Coliseum noong Huwebes. At saka, death to Judy Ann Santos.
Announcer: At panghuli, ang mga nakakalokang showbiz news mula kay Abu Tilamzik.
Abu Tilamzik: Samahan mo ako sa set ng pinakabagong teleserye nina Bea Alonzo at John Lloyd Cruz, ang “Clannad”, na base sa isang popular na visual novel. Hehe. AND DEATH TO BEA ALONZO AND JOHN LLOYD CRUZ!
Announcer: At ngayon, si Borgy Manotoc.
Borgy: Magandang hapon, and death to Vina Morales. Ang ating headline ngayon: may protestang nagaganap ngayon sa harap ng embahada ng Amerika. Hindi lang ito isang ordinaryong protesta, dahil ang mga demonstrador ay may mga hawak na itim na notebook na kung tawagin ay “Death Note”. Nagbabalita si Mike Kuliling. Death to telenobela.

Sanzo watches the rest of the program with suspicion.

Sanzo: Hay naku… ang daming tinatamaan ng iisang program lang. Siguradong sasakit ang ulo ni Laguardia na mas higit pa kay Rita Repulsa. Lipat muna ako sa ibang estasyon.

He then switches to another TV which is just next to the ABC-5 TV. That TV airs ABS-CBN 2, and it currently broadcasts a trailer of the aforementioned live-action adaptation of “Clannad” with Bea Alonzo as Tomoyo and John Lloyd Cruz as Sunohara, as well as other teen stars (mostly PBB and SCQ alumni) who take on the roles of the other characters.

Sanzo: Hmm… siguradong magiging maganda ang kalalabasan ng teleseryeng ito. Sasabihin ko nga ito kina Ayu, Misuzu at Revvie.

The monk then switches back to the ABC-5 TV.

Borgy: At panghuli, ang ating editoryal mula sa head honcho ng isatasyong pinaglilingkuran namin, si Tony Boy Cojuangco.
Tony Boy: Mga minamahal naming tagasubaybay, marahil ay nagtataka kayo kung bakit palagi ang sabi namin ng “death to telenobela”. Ako nga rin, eh. Pero kung sinasambit namin iyon, ibig bang sabihin nito ay “death to Sineserye”? “Death to Telefantasya”? “Death to Koreanobela”? “Death to Mangaserye”? Ang simple sagot ay: secret. Kung gustong-gusto niyong malaman ang sagot, pumunta lamang sa aming istasyon at bahala kami sa inyo. Ito po ang inyong lingkod, Tony Boy Cojuangco.
Borgy: Ang editoryal na ito ay hindi palaging opinyon at saloobin ng buong istasyong ito. Ah, sandali lang. Dapat eh palagi. Kami ngayo’y nagpapaalam. Mula sa lahat ng bumubuo ng ABC Aksyon News, magandang hapon. And death to telenobela.

Sanzo is done watching the hate-filled newscast.

Sanzo: Tsk tsk tsk. Ang suspetsa ko doon ay… si DJ Mo ang utak ng “death to telenobela” campaign. Irereport ko iyon kina Sir Bitag at Sir Ogie pagkatapos ng pamimili ko ng grocery. Tutal, ayokong puputok ang tambutso ni Kaede, eh.

He then leaves the electronics store to continue his errand.

We now shift the scene to Balay Kapatiran.

At the huge living room of the stronghold, Sandara is downtrodden. Not even the mounds of books, magazines, games, and other time-killers can reverse her Good Friday-ish face.

Sandara: (cries) H… Hero… bakit mo iyon ginawa sa akin? Ang akala ko… wala nang kokontrol sa kanya…

Joseph approaches her and tries to cheer her up.

Joseph: Sandy, huwag mong masyadong dibdiban iyon. Malay mo, matatalo natin yung kumokontrol sa kanya.
Sandara: (faces Joseph while still crying) Eh ikaw! You failed to protect me, kaya nagkaganito! Huhuhu… Sana di ka na sumali sa Nueva Liga Filipina…
Joseph: Ugh…

With displeasure, Joseph leaves Sandy and approaches Doc Hattori and Boy to know why Sandara is in her current condition.

Meanwhile, at the Lopez Kingdom (the ELJCC, of course), Cristy raises concern over Hero’s badmouthing in his interview with DJ Mo on her daily show on DZMM, “Showbiz Mismo”.

Cristy: Noong January 10 pa ito nangyari, pero hanggang ngayon, tagos pa rin sa isipan ng nakararami ang interbyu ni DJ Mo Twister kay Hero Angeles. Kahit na nakipag-ayos na dati si Hero sa mga nakabangga niya, tulad ko, nakuha pa rin niyang dungisan uli ang pangalan ng mga iyon. Nakapagtataka talaga kung bakit niya ginawa iyon. (receives a text message) Oh, sabi dito sa text ng nagpakilalang si Tetsugaku-sha, “I suspect na minaniobra ni DJ Mo si Hero para sa sarili niyang kapakanan. Ito ay dahil parte si Hero ng Nueva Liga Filipina, na kinasusuklaman ni DJ Mo.” (receives another text message) Ganoon din ang opinyon ng isang nagpapakilala namang si Evil Eye the Blocker. “DJ Mo will do anything to dismantle the Nueva Liga Filipina in order to conquer the Philippine showbiz industry.”

Back to Balay Kapatiran. Mr. Tulfo is currently finding a way to break through DJ Mo’s base at the offices of Magic 89.9, where Hero is confined.

Mr. Tulfo: Laser beams, armed guards and mechs, gate security protocols, hidden cameras… Talagang by-the-book ang istilo ni DJ Mo, ah. Kung gayon, eh…

He almost finds a solution until emergency signals dominate the control center.

Mr. Tulfo: Uh oh. Orphnoch rampage na naman. Pakitawag ang buong kawan natin.

The entire army then shows up in front of the chief strategist.

Mr. Tulfo: Everyone, panoorin ninyo ang nagyayari sa AMA Computer University Main Branch sa Project 8, Quezon City.

The screen shows La Greta and her grunts invading a seminar for married couples at AMACU.

La Greta: Para ito sa kerido kong si Tony Boy! Ahahaha! Die, you married couples!
Married couple: We are not pigs!
La Greta: Yes, you are; dahil kayo ay nasa ilalim ng isang sumpa na nagbabalatkayong isang santimonya! At para kayo makawala sa sumpang iyon, dapat kayong MAMATAY! Ahahaha!

La Greta then turns into the Prima Donna Orphnoch and kills the married couple with ease. Her grunts do the same. Not even the combined powers of the security guards, policemen, and soldiers can hold off her attacks.

Matthew Luke: Kasingbangis niya si Luca Blight.
Hyacinth: Agree ako diyan.
Mr. Tulfo: Well, ang game plan natin ay ito: we’ll dispatch two separate parties: one to stop La Greta and another to free Hero, dahil na rin sa pakiusap nina Sandara at Joseph. Naka-develop na kasi ako ng isang plano para i-infiltrate ang opisina ng Magic 89.9, the place where Hero is currently confined. First, ide-deploy ko muna ang party na tutungo sa AMACU.

(Please form your first party, which will be named “The Resident AMA Party”.)

Battle Members
1. Nikki
2. Shinn
3. Reverie
4. Angel
5. Setsumi
6. Mel

Entourage
1. Kazuma (Support Ability: Bread Gift — enemies always drop Bread along with their normally dropped items)
2. Sir Gabby (Support Ability: Nagmamahal, Kapamilya — all stats are slightly enhanced for ABS-CBN-affiliated characters)

Mr. Tulfo: Resident AMA Party, move out!

The first dispatched party is then sent directly to AMACU via Viki’s no-sneeze teleportation.

Mr. Tulfo: Now for the second party, which will be dubbed the “Saving Private Angeles Party”. Siyempre, hindi mawawala sina Matt at Hyacinth. Kasali rin dito sina Sandara at Joseph dahil sila ang closest kay Hero.
Sanzo: Sir Bitag, gusto ko ring sumali sa party nila.
Mr. Tulfo: Yes, you may. Hinding-hindi ako tatanggi.

(Please form your second party, which is named “Saving Private Angeles Party”. Members indicated with an asterisk are required.)

Battle Members
1. Matthew Luke *
2. Hyacinth *
3. Sanzo *
4. Sandara *
5. Joseph *
6. Zenki

Entourage
1. Boy (Support Ability: Usap Tayo! — lowers enemy encounter rate)
2. Sir Mike (Support Ability: Lapat-Tinig — all stats are slightly enhanced for anime/non-anime characters who are/were dubbed by ABS-CBN’s dubbers)

Sandara: (shedding tears of vigilance) Hero… ililigtas kita! Sarang hamida.
Joseph: Wala nang atrasan ito… Ililigpit ako ang mga lamat sa pagkakaibigan namin ni Hero!
Ogie: (as Gosh Abelgosh) Sige, tama na ang drama. Please move out!
Ogie’s “Jupopayans”: (popping out of nowhere) MOVE—– OUT~~~~~!!!
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: (chuckling a little) Heading out!

The second dispatched party is then sent directly to the building of Magic 89.9 via Viki’s no-sneeze teleportation… again.

Let’s see how the two parties stop the Orphnoch menace in the next episode!

Stars Introduced So Far

None

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While the rest of Nueva Liga Filipina is busy thinking of ways to rescue Hero, Mr. Tulfo is hard at work in analyzing DJ Mo’s next move.

His faithful staffers, after their usual observation/surveillance step, relay a groundbreaking document to him. It has something to do with the 12th ASEAN Summit which will be held in Cebu in mid-January.

The contents of the document is as follows.

PROJECT PROPOSAL

I. Project Title: Food Poisoning for All People Concerned with the 12th ASEAN Summit

II. Work Related Injuries

A. Type of Project
Cost-effective; may have 25-50% chance of risk
B. Location
Cebu International Convention Center
C. Implementing Group
Loren Legarda and subordinates
D. Estimated Cost
Php 5,000 for poisons
E. Beneficiaries
DJ Mo Twister, subordinates (includes Legarda, Borgy Manotoc, and Gretchen Barretto), supporters
F. Project Objectives
1. To hasten Legarda’s plan of killing Mrs. Arroyo.
2. To show to the ASEAN leaders that Mrs. Arroyo is a fake head of state.
3. To show to the whole world how the Philippines can be radically changed, starting with the Philippine entertainment industry.
4. To make the people aware of the benefits of that radical change.

III. Project Description
The project was conceived by our group because of our previous plans being foiled by a mercenary army called Nueva Liga Filipina, which is allegedly pro-Arroyo. It is merely a follow-up to the brainwashing of one of the army’s members, Mr. Hero Angeles, last January 10th. Because of their acquirement of mysterious powers that pose a threat to us that happened on December 31st of last year, we decided to implement this project and subsequent other plans not by force, but by secrecy. This project will mainly involve placing tasteless poisons onto the foodstuffs that will be eaten by Mrs. Arroyo, the ASEAN heads of state, and their conspirators. When the poisons activate within two hours, Legarda’s forces will then secretly invade the CICC to kill Mrs. Arroyo and to declare the beginning of our radical movement.

IV. Project Rationale
This project will change the people’s mindset in terms of who should be the real Philippine president. It will also teach the people the importance of our principle of radical entertainment industry reform. And lastly, the said project will make the world aware of the current developments that truly happen in the Philippines.

(Sgd.) MR. TONY BOY COJUANGCO
President, Associated Broadcasting Company
Project Proponent

Mr. Tulfo’s reaction? “It truly is groundbreaking. Pakitawag nga sina Matt at Hyacinth.”

After several minutes, the two childhood friends appear before the chief strategist.

Matthew Luke: Any developments, sir?
Mr. Tulfo: Yes. Please take a look at this report.

They read the document very closely, and then…

Hyacinth: Ano?! Pati ba naman ASEAN Summit, papatulan ni DJ Mo?
Mr. Tulfo: Unfortunately, yes. It seems that his bark and bite are both fierce. Ganyan talaga namamansin ang DJ na iyon.
Matthew Luke: Kaya sugurin natin ang Cebu International Convention Center ngayon din para di madamay ang mga ASEAN leaders!
Mr. Tulfo: Hinay-hinay lang. As stated, they are about to enact their plan by secrecy. So we must stop them by secrecy, too. All it takes for them to be stopped is a core six-man team, without any support personnel.
Hyacinth: Too many cooks spoil the broth, di ba?
Matthew Luke: OK. Yung mga natutunan ko sa paglalaro ng Metal Gear series, pwede ko nang i-apply.
Mr. Tulfo: Mga geek talaga kayo, o. Now, please select your party.

(Please form your party. Members indicated with an asterisk are required.)

Battle Members
1. Matthew Luke *
2. Hyacinth *
3. Viki
4. Yumi
5. Sachiko
6. Jin

Entourage
[Disabled for this quest]

Mr. Tulfo: And since I want every operation we make to be well-documented, ibibigay ko sa iyo ang isang hidden camera. Please take care of it.

You got: Hidden Camera!

A key item given by Mr. Tulfo. It allows documentation of every move that the party makes when doing quests.

Mr. Tulfo: And to neutralize the poisons na ilalagay sa mga pagkain, ibibigay ko naman sa inyo ito.

You got: Toxin Neutralizer!

A key item given by Mr. Tulfo. An odorless, tasteless, yet safe chemical used to remove toxins that spoil the food. Comes in a pack of five vials.

Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: Heading out!

And before you ask, the six-man party flies to Cebu using the Emblem Frames. Of course, the flight has every hint of carefulness in it for security reasons.

A couple of hours later, the party checks in at a hotel near the CICC. They pay the expenses using the accumulated funds from all that dungeon exploring and monster slaying.

Afternoon of January 13, 2007. The ASEAN Summit is still on-going.

Matt receives a call from Mr. Tulfo.

Matthew Luke: Hello. Sino ho sila?
Mr. Tulfo: It’s me, Mr. Tulfo. Heads up, everyone. Base sa further intelligence na natanggap namin from an associate, lalagyan na nila ng lason ang mga pagkain na ihahain ngayon at bukas within two hours. This is the most critical time period. So don’t foul up, OK?
Matthew Luke: Roger. Over and out. (ends call) Hyacinth, mga kasama, punta na tayo sa CICC ngayon din. We must stop the poisoning.
Hyacinth & the rest of the party: Understood.

(Dungeon portion: The Cebu International Convention Center has ventilation areas and hidden passages that everyone can pass when an emergency occurs. For this dungeon, no random battles will occur. Instead, there will be personnel who are in charge of administering the poisons into the food. Your primary objective is to apply the neutralizing agents to the poisoned foodstuffs [there are 5 of them]. Stealth is the name of the game here. For every incidence of detection, you will get into a battle with the personnel, and worse, the next boss’s HP will increase by 100. If time runs out, that HP will be doubled. Recommended dungeon BGM: “Labyrinth of Illusion” from Romancing SaGa.)

The foodstuffs are neutralized of poison before the 2-hour time limit, therefore completing the mission, but as the afternoon shifts into evening…

???: (shows up after teleporting) Tinimbang kayo, ngunit kulang.
The whole party: HUH? Si Loren?
Loren: Correct. I knew of your sabotage all along, thanks to my brilliant counter-espionage.
Matthew Luke: Grr! Ginagawa mo iyon para ibalik ang pabor kay Erap!
Loren: 100% oo! Naku, tiyak na matutuwa si *beep* n’yan! Pati na si *beep*! At pati si *beep*!!!
Hyacinth: Hoy, ‘wag mong gawing R-18 o AO (Adults Only) ang game na ito!
Loren: Ha ha ha ha. Tinatawa n’yo lang ako. Hindi na ako magpapatumpik-tumpik pa.

She begins snapping her finger, and the following things happen quickly after her fingersnap.

1. The foodstuffs, neutralized or not, suddenly release tasteless toxins.
2. As a result of no. 1, the people who eat those foodstuffs suddenly feel the effects of food poisoning: abdominal pain, diarrhea, and vomiting. Thankfully, none of them are VIP’s; they are all just performers for the gala night of the summit to be held the next day.
3. Loren’s lackeys suddenly invade the halls of the CICC to find and slay PGMA.
4. Loren herself and the entire party are teleported to the field that is near the facade of the CICC.

Loren: Ha ha ha ha. Habang nililigpit ng mga galamay ko ang pekeng pangulong iyon, ako na mismo ang liligpit sa inyong mga asungot!

Her face transforms, signaling her transformation into the Lamia Orphnoch.

Lamia Orphnoch: Rarr!
Hyacinth: Eh kami ang liligpit sa pagiging balimbing mo!

A BOSS BATTLE COMMENCES!

Allies: The ones you brought at the beginning of the mission
Enemy: Lamia Orphnoch (HP: 7,140; HP with all 5 detection instances: 7,640; HP with all 5 detection instances + time out: 15,280)

[For this battle, we will set the HP to 7,140.]

Matthew Luke chooses to do a cooperative attack with Hyacinth named “Osananajimi”. That attack deals 10 hits and 758 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Viki chooses to attack Lamia Orphnoch. She deals 151 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Yumi chooses to do a cooperative attack with Sachiko named “Yuri-Filled Arrows”. That attack deals 15 hits and 759 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Jin chooses to cast Raijin Spear on Lamia Orphnoch. That attack deals 495 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Lamia Orphnoch chooses to cast Luntiang Atake on all allies. That attack deals 350 damage to each ally.
Matthew Luke chooses to attack Lamia Orphnoch. He deals 311 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Hyacinth chooses to use a Pulutan Set on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Viki chooses to cast Ready! on Lamia Orphnoch. She attempts to teleport Lamia Orphnoch out of the battle, but fails! 123 damage is inflicted on Viki as a result.
Yumi chooses to cast Aim on herself. Yumi’s ACC increased by 15.
Sachiko chooses to cast Aim on herself. Sachiko’s ACC increased by 15.
Jin chooses to cast Raijin Spear on Lamia Orphnoch. That attack deals 454 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Lamia Orphnoch chooses to cast Pagbabalimbing on all allies. Matthew Luke and Sachiko are now Confused.
Matthew Luke chooses to attack Viki due to the Confusion effect. He deals 321 damage to Viki.
Hyacinth chooses to use Nestea on Viki. Viki’s HP is restored to full.
Viki chooses to attack Lamia Orphnoch. She deals 150 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Yumi chooses to use Blood of Andy Gibb on Sachiko. Sachiko is no longer Confused.
Sachiko chooses to attack Lamia Orphnoch. She deals 525 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Jin chooses to use Blood of Andy Gibb on Matthew Luke. Matthew Luke is no longer Confused.
Lamia Orphnoch chooses to attack Jin. But Jin deflects the attack!
Matthew Luke chooses to do a cooperative attack with Hyacinth named “Osananajimi”. That attack deals 10 hits and 760 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Viki chooses to defend.
Yumi chooses to do a cooperative attack with Sachiko named “Yuri-Filled Arrows”. That attack deals 15 hits and 1139 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Jin chooses to cast Raijin Spear on Lamia Orphnoch. That attack deals 475 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.
Lamia Orphnoch chooses to attack Viki. She deals 100 damage to Viki.
Matthew Luke chooses to defend.
Hyacinth chooses to defend.
Viki chooses to defend.
Yumi chooses to do a cooperative attack with Sachiko named “Yuri-Filled Arrows”. That attack deals 15 hits and 1163 damage to Lamia Orphnoch.

Lamia Orphnoch demorphs back to Loren.

Loren: Hindi pa tayo tapos! Hangga’t hindi napapatay ang pekeng pangulo, hindi matutuwa si Master DJ Mo!

She then teleports out of the battlefield.

BATTLE WON!

Matthew Luke: Phew. Nasobrahan na ako doon, ha.
Hyacinth: Pero yung mga delegado sa ASEAN Summit! Baka nadamay sila!

The entire party rushes back to the CICC. Thankfully, PGMA and the other VIP’s are safe, thanks to the combined forces of the PSG and the summit security forces.

Hyacinth: Buti wala ni isa sa kanila ang nadamay.
PSG officer: (approaching the party) Sir, ma’am, excuse us. Napagalaman namin na ang leader ng mga gatecrashers na ito ay si Loren Legarda. Nasaan na siya ngayon?
Matthew Luke: Kinalaban niya kami kanina sa labas, tapos biglang nag-teleport.
PSG officer: Sayang naman. Meron sana kaming lead kung sino ang utak ng food poisoning incident na ito. But thank you anyway. (leaves)

The rest of the evening returns to normal. The food poisoning victims, by the way, are sent to several nearby hospitals for treatment.

The entire party, meanwhile, spends one final night at the hotel before leaving Cebu the morning after via the Emblem Frames.

Late morning of January 14, 2007, Balay Kapatiran. The party returns with a video recording of the mission to be given to the chief strategist. Mr. Tulfo gives a warm “Well done!” to the party.

Meanwhile, at DJ Mo’s main base…

Loren: Master, I have done this mission that you have given to me. But there were foul-ups in the execution of it.
DJ Mo: As expected, those pesky c***-blockers got in the way. But no matter.
Tony Boy: (cuts in) Master, plan D is ready to be executed.
DJ Mo: You mean the “Death to Telenobela” campaign? Yes, bloody brilliant. You may leave to start your mission.
Tony Boy: Yes, Master. (leaves)
DJ Mo: As for you, Loren, gather the other Orphnochs to launch simultaneous assaults on various key installations. Those assaults will be performed while plan D is being executed.
Loren: As you wish, Master. (teleports)
DJ Mo: Now, persistent mercenary army, how far will you go in stopping this BIGGER plan of mine? Hehehehe…

Stars Introduced So Far

None

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