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In memory of the fallen 44 members of the PNP Special Action Force, who deserve justice for their acts of bravery; and of Monty Oum, who never stopped being awesome until the bitter end.

Thanks go to anonymous users for contributing lots and lots of jokes concerning the Manila Pen siege.

The combined Nueva Liga Filipina and AFP forces try to break through the entrance to the Manila Peninsula, but they are greeted by a heavily barricaded and guarded wall.

Matthew Luke: What the heck?! Ano ba ito, Contra?!
Lt. Col. Juanon: Let us professionals handle this. Just watch.

Lt. Col. Juanon then summons an APC. Without any second thought, the childhood friends and the AFP contingent commander hop into the APC. The rest of the combined forces stay outside while the APC is being readied for a ramming attack.

With one powerful force, Lt. Col. Juanon steers the APC towards the fortified wall and rams it, destroying it along with its turrets and Magdalo soldiers who man it.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Now go, Nueva Liga Filipina. Kami na ang bahala rito sa labas. Go bring that scumbag Trillanes to justice. And remember, hindi natin ginagawa ito para kay Gloria. We’re doing it to bring much-needed sanity to this nation that is in the danger of rotting.
Matthew Luke: (salutes) Yes, sir. I, and the rest of the Nueva Liga Filipina, are proud to have fought alongside you.
Lt. Col. Juanon: Save the formalities for later. Huff it!

And with that, the Nueva Liga Filipina formally enters the interior of the occupied hotel.

Meanwhile, Ces Orena-Drilon sneaks inside the Manila Pen for a nice, hot, juicy interview with the Magdalo big boss himself. She apparently was able to slip in during the long and hard strategic battle outside the hotel.

She didn’t know beforehand that Trillanes had his optical camouflage activated; and when she learned that he did, she resorted to using a special pair of glasses that can temporarily dispel optical camouflages from the wearer’s POV.

Trillanes: At least we’re still successful! We accomplished what we came here to do…
Ces: You demanded that President Gloria resign… but she’s still in power!
Trillanes: Yes, but then at least the people can now see the extent to which this administration is willing to go just to stay in power…
Ces: The people? Where are the people? You asked the people to join you but the people did not come…
Trillanes: Yes, they did!
Ces: Where? Where are they? We don’t see them… are they outside the hotel?
Trillanes: No, they’re here… they’re around…
Fr. Robert Reyes: I’m a volunteer, I came…
Bibeth Orteza: I came too…
Atty. Argee Guevarra: Me too…
Trillanes: See, a lot of them came…
Ces: Oh… =(
Trillanes: Now go. This interview is over.
Ces: Y-Yes, sir.

Once Ces leaves, Trillanes unleashes another barrage of swear words when he realizes that she has blown his cover — in terms of the supposedly “many” people who came to sympathize with him and his group’s cause.

Fr. Robert Reyes: Nagmumura ka na naman. Sa harap pa naman ng isang alagad ng simbahan!
Trillanes: I told Ces na dapat nagpakita siya nang mas maaga pa para di tayo mabisto! Has she lost her touch?
Bibeth Orteza: And how about you, Teofisto Guingona? Bakit ka sumama sa amin in the first place?
Teofisto Guingona: I’m just exercising my RIGHT!!! My right to exercise! Walking to the Manila Pen is a good workout, good for your health, stuff like that.
Bibeth Orteza: Any more reasons?
Teofisto Guingona: Uh… to be honest… I don’t know it was a coup attempt, hinde ko nga narinig speech ni Lim, eh. Basta ako… sama-sama lang kung saan maraming tao.
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: You laughing joking numbnut. Akala ko sinsero ka sa ipinaglalaban ni big boss?
Teofisto Guingona: OK… mananahimik na lang ako.

Just then, another member of the media sneaks in and tries to interview Bibeth.

Media Person: Bibeth, Bibeth! Bakit ka sumama kay Trillanes sa rebelyon ngayon?
Bibeth Orteza: Ah??!! Rebelyon ba dito??!! Akala ko may shooting ng pelikula!
Atty. Argee Guevarra: Grr! Bakit ang daming media rito? Hayan tuloy, nabibisto na naman tayo!
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: Well, anybody can bring his/her own DSLR, fake a press ID, and then call himself/herself a mediaman.
Trillanes: Listen! Everyone! Dapat palayasin lahat ng mga media rito! They might be agents of that Nueva Liga Filipina kuno! Except for ABS-CBN, of course.
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: As you wish, my master.

With his booming voice, the brigadier general instantly evicts all non-ABS-CBN mediamen from The Rizal Boardroom, where the entire Magdalo top brass is serving as their base.

Trillanes: Ngayong pinalayas natin yung mga media kuno, dapat paigtingin natin ang mga depensa natin! All soldiers who are loyal to us, do everything you can to keep those trespassers out! I don’t care if you have to resort to evil magic or whatever; just do something para malipol ang mga galamay ni Gloria! This is an order! Understood?
Magdalo Soldiers: Sir, yes, sir!

Back to the Nueva Liga Filipina, which has just entered the lobby of the hotel.

Matthew Luke: To be honest, hindi pa ako nakapasok sa isang five-star hotel dati. But seeing the atmosphere…
Hyacinth: Para na itong war zone. It’ll take a great effort bago manumbalik ang dating ganda ng Manila Pen.
Matthew Luke: How far you will go just to achieve your petty ambitions, Trillanes?

(Dungeon portion: To hunt down Trillanes and company, the party has to search every nook and cranny of the hotel. Recommended dungeon BGM: “At Doom’s Gate” [Episode 1 Map 1] from Doom.)

The party first heads to The Rigodon Ballroom. They conspicuously search the room for any signs of activity, until they chance upon a piece of paper. The paper reads:

Announcement: We will be holding a meeting together with the owners of five-star hotels in Makati.

Agenda: Next five-star hotel to be besieged.

Exemption: The five-star hotel that can give us 10 million pesos or more will be spared.

Below the announcement memo, the party finds a keycard.

You got: Red Keycard!

A red keycard that can be inserted into a control panel.

Matthew Luke: Ano ba ito, Doom?!

Next, the party goes for the Garcia Villa, Balagtas & Balmori function room.

They both find Ricky Reyes and Carmen Pedrosa hiding underneath a cloth-draped table.

Ricky Reyes: Excuse me? Di ba kayo taga-Magdalo?
Matthew Luke: Isn’t it obvious? Wala kaming mga armband na may taglay na simbolo ng Magdalo.
Carmen Pedrosa: And why would we ever doubt you? Unless you are using a disguise spell, and I believe you are not, kayo yung mga taga-Nueva Liga Filipina, di ba? Matthew Luke Laonglaan and Hyacinth Monterola.
Hyacinth: No doubt, it’s us! Pero bakit kayo nagtatago rito sa Manila Pen, eh sumugod nga yung Magdalo rito?
Ricky Reyes: Actually, magkaiba yung mga misyon namin. But by sheer coincidence, nagsama kami ni Madam Carmen noong umatake yung Magdalo. Mag-me-meeting ako sana sa mga stylists ng Emphasis Salon to lead a training seminar.
Carmen Pedrosa: Ako naman, I want to smack that douchebag Trillanes for selling out his soul to the Aquinos and treating President Arroyo like she’s the most evil overlord the Philippines has ever had. Gusto ko sanang sumulat ng expose tungkol sa kanya about several morally reprehensible acts of his tulad ng walang-patid na paninira niya sa mga personalidad na kilalang malapit kay Arroyo, his purchase of overpriced multicabs where he allegedly had a 250 million peso kickback, yung pagsasawsaw niya sa mga backroom deals with China, his “anti-gay” Senate Bill 3133, his possession of an exclusive mansion and several cars back when he was a lieutenant, at ang malisyosong relasyon niya kay Jamby Madrigal. But then, those Magdalo scumbags arrested me and detained me in this room, hanggang sa sumugod ang buong pwersa niyo at nabaling ang atensyon nila sa buong Nueva Liga Filipina.
Ricky Reyes: Hanga naman ako sa tapang niyo, Madam Carmen.
Carmen Pedrosa: Of course, Madam Ricky. This country has been polluted by lies, and by joining the Nueva Liga Filipina, I want to undo the lies that are being peddled by the Aquino-Cojuangcos, especially the current lie that Noynoy Aquino is “the one”. At siya nga pala, I also have a bone to pick against Conrado de Quiros and Ellen Tordesillas. They always get on my nerves by trolling me with their own articles.
Ricky Reyes: Ako naman, simple naman ang misyon ko. Gusto kong lalong gumanda ang buong pwersa ng Nueva Liga Filipina upang mapataas ang morale nila.
Matthew Luke: You’re always welcome sa samahan namin. Congratulations. From now on, we’re full-time allies.

And thus, Ricky Reyes and Carmen Pedrosa are officially drafted into the Nueva Liga Filipina. Ricky Reyes will serve as the army’s stylist and official bearer of the red rose. Carmen Pedrosa will serve as the army’s journalist and thus will lend a huge hand in enhancing the army’s official blog and combating trolls.

Next, the party heads for the generically-named The Lounge. Two Magdalo soldiers are spotted.

Magdalo Soldier A: Achtung!
Magdalo Soldier B: Schutzstaffel!
Matthew Luke: Ano ba ito, Wolfenstein 3D?!

After the party easily defeats the soldiers…

Magdalo Soldier B: Mein leben! (passes out)

The two Magdalo soldiers drop a blue card.

You got: Blue Keycard!

A blue keycard that can be inserted into a control panel.

Next, the party goes to The Conservatory.

There, they find a lawyer arranging her papers, a woman in a traditional Korean dress sorting some herbs, and a man who looks like former president Joseph Estrada… but is actually not him.

The party does not want to disturb the three, even though the outside of the function room is still as chaotic as ever.

Erap Look-alike: Uhm, excuse me? Bakit kayo nakatunganga dito? Did you know that we are minding our own businesses?
Korean girl: Sandali lang… nakikita ko ang aura nila… parang meron silang relasyon sa isa kong kababayan, si Sandara Park.
Lawyer: Oh, hindi nagsisinungaling ang mga mata ko! Sila nga ang mga kasapi ng Nueva Liga Filipina!

And thus, the party is greeted by the three persons: Atty. Persida Acosta, seasoned lawyer and head of the Public Attorney’s Office; Seo Jang Geum, a Korean woman who is renowned for her cooking skills and knowledge in herbal medicine; and Willie Nepomuceno, one of the country’s best-known impersonators.

Jang Geum: Siguro na nakatadhana na tayo’y magkikita. Ewan ko ba, isang araw sa palasyo ay may lumitaw na daanan na hindi ko nakita dati. Tapos, napadpad ako sa isang malayong lugar. Naglibot-libot ako sa lugar na iyon, tinatanong kung nasaan ba talaga ako. Buti na lang, merong isang grupo ng mga Koreano na nagpaliwanag na nasa bansang Pilipinas ako, sa ika-21 siglo. Nagpaliwanag din sila na kailangan ng Pilipinas ang isang eksperto sa pagkain at gamot ng mga Koreano, dahil nakatadhana raw ito sa aking mga palad. Pumayag naman ako, dahil kung makukumpleto ko ang misyong ito, makakabalik ako sa palasyo.
Atty. Acosta: Magaling, Jang Geum. Dahil sa iyong bigay na tsaa, palaging kalmado ang isip naming tatlo, kahit na merong nangyayaring komosyon sa labas ng kwartong ito. Ako naman, balita ko ay meron kayong malaking espasyo sa Balay Kapatiran na di pa nagagamit. Dahil sa santambak na mga kasong ligal na tinatanggap ng PAO araw-araw, hindi kaya ng opisina namin ang bigat ng trabaho ko at ng mga kapwa kong abogado de kampanilya. Kung mamarapatin ay pwede kayong mag-setup ng isang satellite office ng PAO sa inyong HQ kapalit ng pagsali ko sa Nueva Liga Filipina. At siyempre, makakaasa kayo na tutulungan ko kayo sa mga usaping ligal.
Matthew Luke: Salamat po, Attorney. Payag ako sa suggestion ninyo.
Hyacinth: Kung pwede ay magbibigay si Jang Geum ng libreng pagkain sa mga taong nangangailangan ng tulong ligal.
Jang Geum: Salamat naman. Siguro naman ay meron kayong ibang mga tagaluto sa palasyo ninyo, hindi ba?
Hyacinth: Opo. Isa si Kazuma Azuma. Bihsa siya sa mga tinapay. Isa naman si Milfeulle Sakuraba. Mahilig siya sa mga cake.
Jang Geum: Cake? Ano iyon?
Matthew Luke: Isa itong matamis na pagkain na gawa sa arina, itlog, at iba pang sangkap.
Jang Geum: Mukhang meron akong dapat matutunan sa ika-21 siglong pagkain.
Hyacinth: Kering-keri na namin ito. Huwag kayong mag-alala.
Willie Nep: Ahem, ahem. Mukhang nakalimutan ninyo ako.
Matthew Luke: S-Sorry po, Mr. Nep.
Willie Nep: (imitating Panfilo Lacson) Hoy! Mukhang ipinagkakamalan mo akong si Neptune, a.k.a. Purple Heart!? Hindi ako tumitikim ng kinse anyos, di tulad ng Napoleon VSOP brandy na aking ipino-promote!
Matthew Luke: S-Sorry po uli.
Willie Nep: Nakakahiyang salita! Bawal!
Hyacinth: Ehh??!!
Jang Geum: Naku, naku.
Willie Nep: OK, I’d better stop it now. (imitates Fidel Ramos) First of all, mga kababayan ko, kaya ko planong sumali sa Nueva Liga Filipina ay gusto kong gayahin ang ilang mga kasapi ninyo. (switches to normal voice) Of course, I want to give everyone in your army some good laughs.
Matthew Luke: Alright. From now on, kayong tatlo ay pormal na miyembro ng Nueva Liga Filipina. Welcome to the club.

And thus, Atty. Persida Acosta, Seo Jang Geum, and Willie Nepomuceno are officially drafted into the Nueva Liga Filipina. Atty. Persida Acosta will serve as the army’s official lawyer on top of her duty as PAO chief; Seo Jang Geum will serve as the army’s head cook, supervising Milfeulle and Kazuma; and Willie Nepomuceno will serve as the army’s comedian/impersonator.

Meanwhile, outside the Manila Pen…

Media Person: Bakit ka nandito sa Makati? Suporta ba ang ginagawa mong pagra-rally para kay Trillanes?
Rallyist: Ah.. ehhh… sabi kasi nila may bayad ng P200 pag pumunta ako ng Makati. Kaya pumunta ako rito!

Now, back inside the Manila Pen.

The party heads for the Reyes function room. In this room where a maximum of 20 persons can fit in, the childhood friends find a piece of paper on top of one of the tables. The paper reads:

Top 10 Reasons Why We Chose the Manila Pen

1. The hotel has an invitation for wedding receptions.
2. The Pen has the best buffet in town.
3. We thought The Pen’s doors are APC-proof. Good thing we took a page from Red Falcon and reinforced the doors.
4. The hotel has a 6-hour free accommodation gift certificate.
5. We want to know if The Manila Peninsula and The Peninsula Manila are one and the same. The answer should be obvious.
6. We want to watch The Pen’s Christmas tree lighting.
7. There’s free hair gel at The Peninsula’s hair salon (Emphasis) for me; fully equipped exercise room for Guingona, Labayen, and Nemenzo; and a brand-new, top-of-the-line treadmill for the “Running Priest”, Robert Reyes.
8. The lobby of The Pen is better looking than Oakwood’s.
9. Other hotels in the Makati area are fully booked as of this writing.
10. My PEN is mightier than Esperon’s and Barias’ swords. Just you wait, Gloria’s lapdogs!

While on their way to the next function room, the party encounters a group of friendly soldiers.

Friendly Soldier: Diaper Squad lang po. Sino po sa inyo ang naihi sa takot? Taas lang po ng kamay.
Matthew Luke: …
Hyacinth: …
Friendly Soldier: Uhm… mukhang hindi ninyo kailangan ang tulong namin. Sige, mauuna na kami.

The so-called Diaper Squad then leaves for another part of the Pen. The squad’s real mission is to rescue still-trapped persons who may have peed in their pants in fear.

Hyacinth: …I respect the AFP more dahil sa mga sundalong iyon.

The next destination of the party: the Recto function room. The party finds yet another piece of paper.

Top Ten Reasons Why We Should Have Gone To Victoria Court Instead of The Pen

1. We were only gonna stay for a “short time”, anyway.
2. Bishop Julio Labayen & Fr. Robert Reyes could have heard confessions — lots of sinners there!
3. We could have wet the towels in the jacuzzi to combat tear gas — while being wrapped in towels (some horny fangirls will write disgusting homo smut of us).
4. There are no wedding receptions in Victoria Court — only honeymoons.
5. The police will think twice before lobbing tear gas ’cause their officers may be there.
6. APCs and tanks won’t know which garage to park in.
7. The ceiling mirrors would have thrown off any raiding parties, especially the goddamn Nueva Liga Filipina.
8. ABS-CBN could have done an episode of XXX and The Buzz while covering the coup.
9. “What happens in Victoria Court stays in Victoria Court.”
10. It’s a better place to get screwed… if you know what we mean.

Next stop: the Joaquin function room. And as you may have guessed, the party finds yet another piece of paper.

Top Ten Reasons Why We Should Pack Up ASAP

1. Not even our mothers join us.
2. Oakwood has a better lobby.
3. CNN is not here to cover our uprising.
4. The hotel runs out of ice cubes.
5. The APCs and tanks are parked in the lobby and not the parking lot.
6. Being teargassed should not be part of my mandate as future senator and president.
7. Guingona thinks our uprising is an anti-Erap, or pro-Erap pardon rally, whatever…
8. Surrender’s better than the company of Father Robert Reyes. He just can’t endure my sailor’s mouth.
9. People are crying not because of the tear gas, but because of me? They watch too much soap operas.
10. Even the motherf***ing GMA is beginning to look better the longer we stay.

The next destination of the party is the Guerrero function room.

The party encounters a Magdalo soldier who is obviously summoning otherworldly monsters.

Magdalo Soldier: Ang na ang na… su la ki hin… su mas ki dot… mo ko mo ko…
Matthew Luke: Ano na namang klaseng salamangka ito?!
Magdalo Soldier: Ahaha! Kayong mga retarded na mga bayaran ni Pandak talaga! Kung ako ang huhuli sa inyo, malaki-laki na ang magiging pabuya ko galing sa aking amo!

A BATTLE COMMENCES!

Allies: Anyone who took part in the previous strategy battle
Enemies: Magdalo Ravager, Tutubing Kalabaw x4

Matthew Luke chooses to do a cooperative attack with Hyacinth named “Osananajimi”. That attack deals 10 hits and 1553 damage to Magdalo Ravager. Magdalo Ravager is KO’d.
Jeremy chooses to defend.
James chooses to defend.
Ya Chang chooses to defend.
Nikki chooses to cast Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal on all enemies. She deals 1357 damage to each enemy. All enemies are KO’d.

BATTLE WON!

The defeated Magdalo soldier drops yet another keycard.

You got: Yellow Keycard!

A yellow keycard that can be inserted into a control panel.

The Nolledo function room is where the party heads off next.

There, 50 million pesos’ worth of cooked premium pork liempo can be seen decorating the room’s only table. Besides the huge tray where the liempo is served is a small note:

“Hindi ako susuko ng pagkain ng baboy. DAP-at lang.”

Hyacinth: 50 million pesos?! Hindi dapat nakahain dito iyan, no? Dapat ipamigay iyan ASAP sa mga nagugutom — pwera na lang sa mga may sakit sa puso at sa mga Muslim.

The party heads next towards the Hernandez function room.

On one of the circular tables sits a fragrant stationery with fancy handwriting. The note reads:

Step #1 on the Bayaran/Trolling Playbook: Fool people into thinking that you are smart and you have principles.
Step #2: Accuse your critics that they are actually the paid hacks.

Matthew Luke: Those Magdalo trolls… sino nga ba ang mga backer nila at itinatrato nila bilang full-time job ang pagto-troll sa aming blog at sa iba pang mga sites na kontra-Magdalo? Even worse, ang sweldo sa pagto-troll ay katumbas ng isang entry-level job sa isang call center!

The Sionil Jose function room is the next stop of the party.

A group of 30 hostages huddle under the tables, mostly mediamen caught in the crossfire. Using a megaphone, Hyacinth calls the hostages.

Hyacinth: Excuse me, kami ang Nueva Liga Filipina. Ililigtas namin kayo. Di namin kayo sasaktan.

The hostages, upon seeing the party, get out of the tables safely.

Media Person: Salamat naman at dumating kayo. Kung hindi dahil sa inyo, malamang ay trapped na kami rito forever. Sa labas, merong mga sundalo na laging alerto sa mga hostages na katulad namin na magtatangkang tumakas. At dito sa loob, merong anti-teleportation force field na pinapawalang-bisa ang mga teleportation at escape spells at items. Heto nga, itong mga Teleport Crystal na hawak namin, waepek.

Pointing to a strange contraption hidden beneath a mirror, Matthew Luke says…

Matthew Luke: Iyan ba ang hinahanap n’yo?

He then proceeds to destroy the contraption that generates the anti-teleportation force field with his short sword.

Media Person: Wow! Salamat uli sa tulong ninyo. Dahil sa takot, hindi namin namalayan na meron palang sikreto ang kwartong ito. O paano na, mauuna na kami.
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: You’re all welcome.

With a Teleport Crystal in each hand, all 30 hostages shout…

The 30 hostages: Teleport, Glorietta!

And they are all gone in a flash.

Finally, the Benitez function room is the room to check for signs of hostile enemies, useful documents, or cowering hostages.

There, the party finds a treasure chest containing the following:
1. A chainsaw
2. A pistol
3. A double-barreled shotgun
4. A chaingun
5. A rocket launcher
6. A plasma rifle
7. The BFG-9000
8. A bag full of ammo (bullets, shells, rockets, energy cells)

Matthew Luke: Takers keepers. Their loss, our gain.

You got: Box of Weapons!

A treasure chest full of anti-demon weaponry.

Now that all the function rooms save for The Rizal Boardroom are thoroughly checked, the Nueva Liga Filipina has no time to waste to bring Trillanes and co. to justice.

Once the party flocks to The Rizal Boardroom, they immediately tap all three cards on the door’s electronic lock.

The lock is deactivated, and the door is finally open.

The Rizal Boardroom only contains the following: Bibeth Orteza, Atty. Argee Guevarra, Bishop Julio Labayen, Fr. Robert Reyes, Bishop Antonio Tobias, Jimmy Regalario of the Kilusang Makabansang Ekonomiya, and former University of the Philippines president Francisco Nemenzo. No signs of the “big three” — Trillanes, Guingona, and Lim — can be found.

Those persons can only stand and stay silent as the party nonchalantly deactivates the central control panel that powers the optical camouflage.

As the party leaves The Rizal Boardroom to finally track down the “big three”, Francisco Nemenzo stares at the party with a menacing glare without them knowing it.

Francisco Nemenzo: (whispers) Meron din kayong araw, mga Pinoy kuno. Meron din kayong araw.

After leaving The Rizal Boardroom, the party finally detects the uncloaked Trillanes and company running towards the lobby.

Matthew Luke: Ayan sila! Time to catch the big fish!

Outside, the AFP is ready to blockade the Pen’s front gate, knowing they have spotted the NLF chasing after their common HVTs.

Eventually, both the AFP and the NLF have the “big three” cornered.

Matthew Luke: You thought you’re outsmarting us with your antics, Troll-anes?
Hyacinth: At dala-dala mo pa sina Guingona at Lim. Are you playing buddy-buddy with them, huh?
Trillanes: (a la Iori Yagami) Hm hm hm hm… ha ha ha ha… hahahahahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Halatang bayaran ng kurakot at mapangabusong Gloria Labandera etong Nueva Liga Filipina kuno na puro papuri kay Gloria at pang-iinsulto sa mga tunay na Pilipino at kay Susunod na Pangulong Aquino.
Hyacinth: Hindi nga naiiba ang tono mo, huh?
Teofisto Guingona: Si Kagalang-galang na Susunod na Pangulong Aquino ay ang magiging tunay na pinakadakila na pangulo sa kasaysayan ng Pilipinas at tunay na magpapayaman at magpapaunlad sa bansa…
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: …kaya tayo ay magiging mayaman at unti-unting mawawala at magpapakulong sa lahat ng kurakot sa pamahalaan.
Matthew Luke: Ugh. Just ugh. That hatred of Arroyo’s spreading like a virus, alright. No matter what you or your supposed “allies” say, it will always backfire. By the way, how much do you earn while smoking your future president’s weed? TROLL HARDER!
Trillanes: Talagang gusto ninyong mamatay, ha? Sige lang… kapag pinatay ko kayong lahat, ito na ang magiging simula ng isang BAGONG REBOLUSYON! Guingona! Lim! Draw out your weapons!

Guingona draws two sharp monster claws that grow from his arms, while Lim materializes a metal backpack out of thin air.

Finally, Trillanes brings out his concealable handgun, which is a modified Smith & Wesson Model 500, and aims it at the party as the inevitable boss battle commences.

 photo snw_bossbatt28.jpg

A BOSS BATTLE COMMENCES!

Allies: Anyone who took part in the previous strategy battle
Enemies: Teofisto Guingona (HP: 22,262); Antonio Trillanes IV (HP: 29,122); Danilo Lim (HP: 35,805)

Teofisto Guingona’s attacks:
1. Poisonous Lightning Claw — regular physical/thunder attack vs. 1 enemy; inflicts Poison
2. Poisonous Frost Claw — regular physical/ice attack vs. 1 enemy; inflicts Poison
3. Mephisto’s Hatred — His “Mystic Arte”. He brings out the power of the Lord of Hatred to deal thunder/ice/dark-elemental damage to all enemies.

Antonio Trillanes IV’s attacks:
1. Five Shots — regular long-ranged 5-hit physical attack vs. 1 enemy
2. Lightning Tiger Blade — regular 7-hit physical/thunder attack vs. 1 enemy; may Stun the enemy
3. Expendable Honor — His “Mystic Arte”. He brings out several sword slashes and some shots from his handgun to deal 4 hits of severe physical damage to an enemy.

Danilo Lim’s attacks:
1. Pencil of Doom — regular long-ranged physical/fire attack vs. 1 enemy
2. Genbu Protection — bestow complete immunity to all attacks to self in one turn
3. Katyusha Stream — His “Mystic Arte”. His metal backpack launches several miniature Katyusha rockets that are rained down upon all enemies. All enemies suffer non-elemental damage.

Matthew Luke chooses to transform into the Third Blessed Being, Kazuki Sendoh.

Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Standing by.
Matthew Luke: Protagonist Change!
Voice of Matthew Luke’s wristband: Complete.

Transformation complete.
Matthew Luke chooses to cast Mighty Pen on Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 2455 damage to Teofisto Guingona. A critical hit!
Hyacinth chooses to transform into the Third Blessed Being, Flonne.

Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Standing by.
Hyacinth: Heroine Change!
Voice of Hyacinth’s wristband: Complete.

Transformation complete.
Hyacinth chooses to attack Teofisto Guingona. She deals 757 damage to Teofisto Guingona.
Jeremy chooses to cast Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita on Teofisto Guingona.

Jeremy: (while revving the throttle part of the BraceThrottle) BraceThrottle! Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita!

Holograms of Kyon, Kivat-Bat the III, and Kamen Rider Strike appear and begin their blitzkrieg on Teofisto Guingona. They all deal 1701 damage to Teofisto Guingona.
James chooses to cast Windmill Dunk on Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 1654 damage to Teofisto Guingona.
Ya Chang chooses to cast Shoryuken [Rising Dragon Sword] on Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 2414 damage to Teofisto Guingona. A critical hit!
Nikki chooses to cast Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal on all enemies. She deals 1431 damage to all enemies.
Teofisto Guingona chooses to cast Poisonous Lightning Claw on Ya Chang. That attack deals 302 damage to Ya Chang. But Ya Chang is not Poisoned!
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Five Shots on Nikki. That attack deals 5 hits and 302 damage to Nikki.
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Pencil of Doom on James. That attack deals 333 damage to James.
Matthew Luke chooses to cast Mighty Pen on Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 2029 damage to Teofisto Guingona.
Hyacinth chooses to cast Power of Love on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Jeremy chooses to cast Seiyuu Shoukan: Yui Horie on Teofisto Guingona.

Jeremy: (while revving the throttle part of the BraceThrottle) BraceThrottle! Seiyuu Shoukan: Yui Horie!

Holograms of Minori Kushieda, Eri Sawachika, and Naru Narusegawa appear and singlehandedly beat up Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 2923 damage to Teofisto Guingona. A critical hit!
James chooses to cast Upside-Down Dunk on Teofisto Guingona. That attack deals 2380 damage to Teofisto Guingona. A critical hit! But Teofisto Guingona is not Confused!
Ya Chang chooses to cast Hadouken [Wave Motion Sword] on Danilo Lim. That attack deals 2088 damage to Danilo Lim. A critical hit!
Nikki chooses to cast Dream Sign: Evil Sealing Circle on all enemies. That attack deals 1560 damage to all enemies.
Teofisto Guingona chooses to cast Poisonous Frost Claw on Matthew Luke. That attack deals 392 damage to Matthew Luke. But Matthew Luke is not Poisoned!
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Lightning Tiger Blade on Hyacinth. That attack deals 7 hits and 464 damage to Hyacinth. But Hyacinth is not Stunned!
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Genbu Protection on himself. All attacks directed on him will be completely ineffective within one turn.
Matthew Luke chooses to cast Mighty Pen on Antonio Trillanes IV. That attack deals 2570 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV. A critical hit!
Hyacinth chooses to cast Power of Love on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Jeremy chooses to cast Seiyuu Shoukan: Yui Horie on Antonio Trillanes IV.

Jeremy: (while revving the throttle part of the BraceThrottle) BraceThrottle! Seiyuu Shoukan: Yui Horie!

Holograms of Minori Kushieda, Eri Sawachika, and Naru Narusegawa appear and singlehandedly beat up Antonio Trillanes IV. That attack deals 1412 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV.
James chooses to cast Windmill Dunk on Antonio Trillanes IV. That attack deals 1605 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV.
Ya Chang chooses to cast Hadouken [Wave Motion Sword] on Antonio Trillanes IV. That attack deals 2077 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV.
Nikki chooses to cast Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal on all enemies. She deals 1045 damage each to Teofisto Guingona and Antonio Trillanes IV. Danilo Lim takes 0 damage.
Teofisto Guingona chooses to cast Mephisto’s Hatred on all allies.

Teofisto Guingona: Prepare for the worst case scenario, Gloria fanatics! Mephisto’s Hatred!

Imbued with the power of the Lord of Hatred, Teofisto Guingona unloads his claws for an all-out attack. That attack deals 300 damage to all allies.
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Expendable Honor on James.

Antonio Trillanes IV: Your blood — and Arroyo’s — shall water a brand-new country! Expendable Honor!

After jumping towards mid-air, he fires two shots at the target. He then furiously descends towards the target for a powerful 2-stage slash. That attack deals 300 damage to James.
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Katyusha Stream on all allies.

Danilo Lim: Brace yourselves for the deadliest implosion, Arroyo retards! Katyusha Stream!

He brings out a remote and pushes its only button, which reveals several miniature Katyusha rockets that are hidden in his metal backpack. The rockets are launched and then rained down on all allies. That attack deals 300 damage to all allies. All allies are now in critical condition.
Matthew Luke chooses to use Pito-Pito Herbal Tea on all allies. All allies’ HPs are restored to full. All allies are no longer in critical condition.
Hyacinth casts Flonne’s Exceed Charge, Divine Ray.

Hyacinth: Lord, give us the strength of heavenly love to banish evil! DIVINE RAY!

That attack deals 7 hits and 4642 damage to all enemies. Teofisto Guingona is KO’d.

Teofisto Guingona: My hatred… was nothing…?

Jeremy chooses to cast Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita on Danilo Lim.

Jeremy: (while revving the throttle part of the BraceThrottle) BraceThrottle! Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita!

Holograms of Kyon, Kivat-Bat the III, and Kamen Rider Strike appear and begin their blitzkrieg on Danilo Lim. They all deal 2728 damage to Danilo Lim. A critical hit!
James chooses to cast Windmill Dunk on Danilo Lim. That attack deals 2269 damage to Danilo Lim. A critical hit!
Ya Chang chooses to cast Shoryuken [Rising Dragon Sword] on Danilo Lim. That attack deals 2466 damage to Danilo Lim. A critical hit!
Nikki chooses to cast Dream Sign: Evil Sealing Circle on all enemies. That attack deals 2144 damage to all enemies. A critical hit!
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Five Shots on Hyacinth. That attack deals 5 hits and 362 damage to Hyacinth.
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Pencil of Doom on Ya Chang. That attack deals 318 damage to Ya Chang.
Matthew Luke chooses to cast Mighty Pen on Danilo Lim. That attack deals 2547 damage to Danilo Lim. A critical hit!
Hyacinth chooses to cast Power of Love on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Jeremy chooses to cast Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita on Danilo Lim.

Jeremy: (while revving the throttle part of the BraceThrottle) BraceThrottle! Seiyuu Shoukan: Tomokazu Sugita!

Holograms of Kyon, Kivat-Bat the III, and Kamen Rider Strike appear and begin their blitzkrieg on Danilo Lim. They all deal 1747 damage to Danilo Lim.
James chooses to cast Upside-Down Dunk on Danilo Lim. That attack deals 1923 damage to Danilo Lim. But Danilo Lim is not Confused!
Ya Chang chooses to cast Hadouken [Wave Motion Sword] on Antonio Trillanes IV. That attack deals 2111 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV.
Nikki chooses to cast Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal on all enemies. She deals 1995 damage to all enemies. A critical hit!
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Lightning Tiger Blade on Matthew Luke. That attack deals 7 hits and 405 damage to Matthew Luke. But Matthew Luke is not Stunned!
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Genbu Protection on himself. All attacks directed on him will be completely ineffective within one turn.
Matthew Luke chooses to use a Blue Potion on Jeremy. Jeremy’s MP has been restored to full.
Hyacinth chooses to cast Power of Love on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Jeremy chooses to use a Blue Potion on Hyacinth. Hyacinth’s MP has been restored to full.
James chooses to use a Blue Potion on himself. James’s MP has been restored to full.
Ya Chang chooses to use a Blue Potion on himself. Ya Chang’s MP has been restored to full.
Nikki chooses to use a Blue Potion on herself. Nikki’s MP has been restored to full.
Antonio Trillanes IV chooses to cast Expendable Honor on Matthew Luke.

Antonio Trillanes IV: Your blood — and Arroyo’s — shall water a brand-new country! Expendable Honor!

After jumping towards mid-air, he fires two shots at the target. He then furiously descends towards the target for a powerful 2-stage slash. That attack deals 312 damage to Matthew Luke.
Danilo Lim chooses to cast Katyusha Stream on all allies.

Danilo Lim: Brace yourselves for the deadliest implosion, Arroyo retards! Katyusha Stream!

He brings out a remote and pushes its only button, which reveals several miniature Katyusha rockets that are hidden in his metal backpack. The rockets are launched and then rained down on all allies. That attack deals 331 damage to all allies.
Matthew Luke casts Kazuki Sendoh’s Exceed Charge, Doujinshi Realm.

Matthew Luke: There is no limit to what the human mind can do! Party comically! DOUJINSHI REALM!

Random effect: All allies are made invisible for three turns, making them immune to all physical attacks.
Hyacinth chooses to cast Power of Love on all allies. All allies’ HP’s are restored to full.
Jeremy casts his Finishing Move, Containment Punch.

Jeremy: Iniaalay ko ang lahat sa kamaong ito! Hraggh! Containment Punch!

Jeremy powers his BraceThrottle for his finisher and then delivers a single powerful punch to Danilo Lim. That attack deals 4795 damage to Danilo Lim.
James casts his Finishing Move, Chaos Dunk.

James: Sana’y magbago ka na, Kris! I can change the world with this! Chaos Dunk!

James performs Charles Barkley’s dunk that was so powerful that it almost destroyed the world. That attack deals 4664 damage to all enemies and 178 damage to all allies. Danilo Lim is KO’d.

Danilo Lim: Mga kengkoy kayo talaga! Epic failures!

Ya Chang casts his Finishing Move, Kamigawa no Sairin.

Ya Chang: A Japanese heart… a Filipino spirit… shall combine into one evil-destroying force! Hissatsu-waza! Kamigawa no Sairin!

Ya Chang summons powerful spirits from his homeland, as well as friendly spirits native to the Philippines. All of those spirits then migrate to his katana. He readies the katana for one powerful slash, which then decimates one single enemy. That attack deals 4930 damage to Antonio Trillanes IV. Antonio Trillanes IV is KO’d.

Antonio Trillanes IV: Curse you! The Magdalo will still rain hell on Arroyo!

BATTLE WON!

Even after the difficult battle, the Magdalo’s “big three” still has some fight left in them.

Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim, Trillanes: We will not leave here! We will fight ’til the end!
Matthew Luke: Ang titigas pa rin ng mga ulo ninyo… Para kayong mga Ganados na sinabuyan ng Las Plagas.

Meanwhile, outside the lobby, the AFP readies itself for something.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Computer, set status immunity parameters of targets Antonio Trillanes IV, Teofisto Guingona, and Danilo Lim to 0. Plus, set status immunity parameters of everyone else in the area of effect to 100.
Tear gas launcher’s computer voice: Target parameters acknowledged. Tear gas launcher ready for firing.

Lt. Col. Juanon’s computer-powered tear gas launcher is ready to fire. Once he pulls the trigger, a canister of tear gas breaks through the lobby’s window, releasing tear gas that affects only the three targets and no one else.

Once the tear gas fills the lobby…

Teofisto Guingona: Tear gas! Tear gas! Tago sa likod ng media! Dali! Dali!
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: Suko na kami! Suko na kami!
Trillanes: You worthless t**ts! Takot pala kayo sa tear gas! Hetong sa inyo!

Trillanes grabs both Guingona’s and Lim’s necks, and then…

Trillanes: Your souls are mine!

He then proceeds to suck both Guingona’s and Lim’s souls out of their bodies, leaving them as lifeless husks.

Trillanes: FATALITY!

The party, which is unaffected by the tear gas, is surprised at Trillanes’ split-second backstabbing. And then, a media person sneaks in to attempt to interview the Magdalo head honcho, who seconds ago pulled a Shang Tsung.

Media Person: Trillanes, bakit susuko ka na?
Trillanes: Ayokong dumanak ang dugo… lalong-lalo na ang dugo ko!
Media Person: Kahit pinatay mo pa yung dalawa mong kasama?
Trillanes: (releases unholy aura) EH ANO NGAYON?!

The media person is understandably scared of the unholy aura Trillanes emanates as a result of his soul sucking. He runs towards the upper lobby.

Hyacinth: We’re disappointed. Horribly disappointed. Akala ng lahat na meron kang ipinaglalaban, pero nagdadaldal ka pala para sa sarili mong interes.
Matthew Luke: Alam mo, sa ibang bansa, ang mga mutineers at seditionists na katulad mo ay pinaparusahan by firing squad, hanging, or other means.
Trillanes: THAT DOESN’T APPLY HERE, MGA BAYARAN NI GLORIA LABANDERA BUTANGERA SUGALERA! ANG AKING NATIONAL TRANSITION COUNCIL ANG MAGIGING DAAN SA PAGIGING SENATOR, INQUISITOR, AT FUTURE PRESIDENT KO! OF COURSE, THE AQUINO-COJUANGCOS WILL BE MY B**CHES!
Hyacinth: You’re really a foxy guy, huh. Kinalimutan mo na ba yung mga natutunan mo sa Philippine Military Academy — courage, integrity, and loyalty?
Trillanes: THEY DON’T MATTER TO ME NOW ANYMORE. BASTA AKO, I WILL BE THE LONE SAVIOR OF THE FILIPINOS AND NO ONE ELSE! NOT EVEN YOU PRETENDERS! JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!

Afterwards, Trillanes and other Magdalo survivors teleport their way out.

Matthew Luke: Your big mouth will be your downfall, Antonio Trillanes IV.

As the AFP finally enters the Pen after the unexpected escape of the Magdalo Group, Lt. Col. Juanon congratulates the Nueva Liga Filipina.

Lt. Col. Juanon: You have done a great service to our country, Nueva Liga Filipina. Your army is truly worthy of your name.
Matthew Luke: That’s nothing for us to brag about.
Lt. Col. Juanon: From this moment, our strategic alliance is over. But we will fight side-by-side again someday, in the name of our beleaguered country.
Matthew Luke: (salutes) Yes, sir.
Lt. Col. Juanon: You can all go home now. Leave the clearing of the Pen to us.

Everyone involved in the Manila Peninsula siege walks out peacefully as the standoff is finally over after six grueling hours. It was 5:30 pm of November 29, 2007.

That evening, back at Balay Kapatiran’s command center…

Mr. Tulfo: I knew Trillanes would do anything, by hook or by crook, para lang makuha ang gusto niya. Ginamit lang niya ang pangalan ng Magdalo just for his own gain.
Beatriz: Somewhere, he’s planning his next move. But look at all the damage he has done.
Ogie: (Gosh Abelgosh mode) Kung hindi nagkakamali ang mga reports na binigay sa atin ng AFP at PNP, the Manila Pen siege almost collapsed the Philippine economy, racking up 6 billion pesos in losses.
Matthew Luke: That’s horrible. If he would just air his complaints the peaceful way, this pain in the neck wouldn’t happen in the first place.
Hyancith: Tapos, meron pang curfew ngayong gabi! We had to lock down the entire Balay Kapatiran just to comply.
Mr. Tulfo: Tsk, tsk, tsk. That Lelouch Lamperouge wannabe. Meron nga siyang bombolyas, but he doesn’t foresee the consequences of his actions. We had to fix the mess he made!
Matthew Luke: Yes, we may have solved one problem, but another one still bothers us. Those freaking weeaboos… and Kira…

As December 2007 looms, the Nueva Liga Filipina still has to deal with the N3 Collective and to bring back Kira Yamato to his senses.

Stars Introduced So Far

Chichin, the Supressing Star
(Mu Chun, the Lesser One Whom No Obstacle Can Stay)
Ricky Reyes

Chiyou – Magic Star
(Du Qian, the Sky Scraper)
Carmen N. Pedrosa

Chizen – Finished Star
(Du Xing, the Devil Faced)
Atty. Persida Acosta

Chizou – Hoarding Star
(Zhu Fu, Smiling Tiger)
Seo Jang Geum (Jewel in the Palace)

Chiken – Mighty Star
(Yu Bao-si, God of Dangerous Roads)
Willie Nepomuceno

Strategy battle image based on 2007ManilaPenSiegeMap.jpg by Chitetskoy on Wikipedia. Used under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2.

The Nueva Liga Filipina, of course, monitors the goings-on in Makati. Matthew Luke and Hyacinth know their numbers are temporarily depleted due to the N3 Collective’s machinations, but they still want to thwart the threat surrounding the Manila Peninsula — especially with the fact that the Nueva Liga Filipina as a whole still has a bone to pick with Trillanes and company.

The remaining forces gather at the command center, as always.

Mr. Tulfo: I’m picking up large concentrations of unusual energy around the Manila Peninsula and…

The chief strategist is surprised by what he sees in the monitor.

Mr. Tulfo: Anak ng tipaklong naman ito! First, they invaded the hotel. And then, they erect an invisible magical barrier around it?!
Matthew Luke: Classic RPG villain plan. Gusto nilang palabasin na sila lang ang malakas at kayang baguhin ang gobyerno. But knowing those nincompoops…

Suddenly, an incoming transmission interrupts the conversation.

Trillanes: How are you, Arroyo lapdogs? You’ve defeated us before, but that is just one battle! Now, our war against the corrupt Arroyos and their ilk has just begun! This magical barrier of ours has the power to accept only our most loyal soldiers and sympathizers. Kaya kung meron pa kayong mga bombolyas na labanan kami ulit, you are free to come to the Manila Pen. But beware: prepare to get PWNED! Ahahaha…

The transmission ends.

Hyacinth: Yung sinasabi niyang “invincibility”, ibinubuyangyang lang niya na parang… ano… kwan.
Matthew Luke: We’ve defeated the Magdalo Group before… and this time… we’ll finally knock some sense into that knucklehead!
Mr. Tulfo: Yes, that is our ultimate plan. But first… we must first arrange a meeting with the AFP.
Matthew Luke: Opo, Sir Bitag. We need to augment our numbers.

Thirty minutes later, the NLF arranges an emergency blitz meeting with the AFP. Naturally, both sides agree to work side-by-side in invading the occupied Manila Pen.

Furthermore, someone from the AFP who used to work at the Philippine branch of the well-known German company, Bosch, tipped about one single vulnerability of the barrier surrounding the Manila Pen: it is weak against precisely-applied, armor-puncturing force, which Bosch’s line of demolition hammers can offer. Both sides readily agree to that suggestion.

In less than an hour, the NLF and AFP contingents pay a visit to the office of Robert Bosch, Inc., which is located at L. V. Locsin Building — just a very short walk away from the Manila Pen. In no time, they easily acquire the Bosch GSH 11VC Professional demolition hammers, with the AFP footing the bill.

After acquiring the hammers, which will be used by all five assigned squads of the NLF, the contingents arrive at a spot near the hotel, along the corner of Makati and Ayala Avenues. In order to not get detected by the enemy, the combined forces agree to scatter their forces around the perimeter of the hotel.

Via encyrpted walkie-talkies, the commander of the AFP contingent, Lt. Col. Juan “Juanon” Anonuevo, communicates with Matthew Luke and Hyacinth to plan their on-the-spot tactics.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Nakilala ko kayo in the news. I know what you two’re capable of. But enough talk. Let’s get down to business. The demolition hammers we acquired have an impact energy of 23 joules, with an impact rate of 1700 bpm. Kung hindi kayo sanay sa mga numero, the energy emitted by these hammers per minute is equivalent to nine grams of TNT.
Hyacinth: Pero bakit pa tayo kumuha ng demolition hammers imbis na TNT?
Lt. Col. Juanon: You know, missy, even a few grams of TNT can be dangerous. Paano na lang kung merong nangyaring aksidente during our mission, tapos aksidenteng nagalaw yung dala-dalang tingi-tinging TNT? Imagine the damage!
Matthew Luke: As far as I’m concerned, mas pinahahalagahan natin yung efficiency ng mga units natin. As Sir Bitag has told me earlier, we need to be well-rounded. Kailiangang mawasak yung barrier ASAP, kailangan i-cover yung mga kakampi natin, at kailangang mabilis ang pag-dispatsa sa mga kalaban — that’s three roles in one.
Lt. Col. Juanon: Correct. We all can’t be tanks, we all can’t be snipers, and we all can’t be healers. So, if you have any more questions — and I believe that you don’t have any, let’s officially start the mission.
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: Roger.

Strategy Battle 6: The Manila Peninsula Siege

Victory Condition: Destroy the barrier surrounding the Manila Peninsula.

Loss Condition: All friendly units are defeated.

STRATEGY BATTLE START!

Just then, something is broadcast from the occupied hotel.

Trillanes: Ooohhh… mukhang nakatapak kayo sa aming teritoryo. Talagang ang lalaki ng mga bombolyas ninyo. Tapos meron pa kayong mga kasama sa AFP na maka-Gloria Butangera! Your actions, along with the illegal president’s, really stupidify our nation!
Matthew Luke: Habang ikaw, Lelouch Lamperouge wannabe, you bloviate us with your retarded actions that hurt the economy more than what your supposedly “evil midget” president is doing. It’s about time you and your Magdalo buddies shut up for good.
Trillanes: Sige, subukan n’yo lang. You will still get PWNED!

From the Manila Pen, ten enemy units appear and surround the inner walls of the barrier.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Hmph. The enemy outnumbers us, 5:4. But no matter. Even small armies can still do big, like the 300 Spartans.
Hyacinth: Sayang naman at walang higanteng balon na malapit dito. Gusto ko kasing gayahin si King Leonidas.
Lt. Col. Juanon: Tama na yung mga internet memes, please. Let’s just focus on the action.

Player Turn 1

Guest Unit 1 decides to move a little close to Guest Unit 3, and then defends.
Guest Unit 2 decides to move a little close to Guest Unit 3, and then defends.
Guest Unit 3 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 1 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 2 decides to move a little close to Friendly Unit 1, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 3 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 4 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
Friendly Unit 5 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.

Just then…

A hooded man, known only as the Heckler Summoner (Guest Unit 4), abruptly shows up atop a building near Glorietta.

Matthew Luke: Sino ka? Anong ginagawa mo rito?
The Heckler Summoner: Sabihin natin na hindi kita kaaway, at sabihin natin na hindi kita kakampi. I just want to test this new toy I have.
Hyacinth: Hoy! Seryosong labanan ito! Manila Pen siege ito! Don’t just stand there and waggle your new “toy” around!
The Heckler Summoner: Just watch… and be amazed.

The hooded man then brings out his “toy”, the Diendriver. He then inserts three cards into it.

Voice of the Diendriver: KAMEN RIDE: DECADE! DRAGON KNIGHT! WING KNIGHT!

And with a squeeze of the trigger, a portal is summoned on the side of Ayala Avenue that is opposite the Makati Stock Exchange. And out of the portal comes the three aforementioned Kamen Riders, which are assigned as Guest Unit 5.

KR Decade: Huh? Napadpad na naman ako sa Pilipinas? Isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito… yung lalaki at babaeng nakilala ko nong nakabangaan ko si Kris Aquino… malapit sila. Heh… tutulungan ko sila ulit sa mumunting misyon nila.
KR Wing Knight: Kit?
KR Dragon Knight: Len?
KR Wing Knight: I think we end up somewhere completely different.
KR Dragon Knight: Sure thing. The atmosphere is different from that of Ventara, for once. But… why did we end up here? I was supposed to meet up with Kyoko [Sakura] at the bench near the fountain. And you were supposed to be with Kase, right?
KR Wing Knight: Yup, she and I are supposed to be on a date… along with you and Kyoko.
KR Decade: Wait a minute… those two guys resemble Ryuki and Knight, but they speak English. (faces the two) Hey, maybe I can help you two.
KR Dragon Knight: Oh! We believe you’re a Kamen Rider, but we don’t remember anyone wearing… magenta.
KR Decade: Enough with the color snobbery, you two. I’m Tsukasa Kadoya, also known as Kamen Rider Decade. I have a hazy memory of you two since I think I may or may have not stepped into your world.
KR Wing Knight: So you travel across dimensions other than our own?
KR Decade: Yes. And there are so many Kamen Riders like you who reside on those dimensions. But enough talk. Let’s just assist that guy and girl I’ve helped before in my journey.
KR Dragon Knight: If you say so… (Wait a minute… that boy… he has the potential to wield a fragment of my power… and that girl… she has the potential to wield a fragment of Kyoko’s power…)

Enemy Turn 1

All Enemy Units decide to stay in their current positions, and then defend.

Player Turn 2

All Guest Units except for Guest Unit 4 decide to approach the Manila Peninsula, but they are repelled by the barrier. They all defend.
Guest Unit 4 decides to stay in its current position, and then defends.
All Friendly Units decide to approach the Manila Peninsula, and then use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. Current barrier strength: 85%.

Enemy Turn 2

Enemy Units 3, 4, and 5 decide to attack Guest Units 1, 2, and 3. All members of those three Guest Units suffer damage equivalent to 25% of their max HP.
The rest of the Enemy Units decide to stay in their current positions, and then defend.

Player Turn 3

All Guest Units except for Guest Unit 4 decide to attack Enemy Units 3, 4, and 5. All members of those three Enemy Units suffer damage equivalent to 25% of their max HP.

The Heckler Summoner: Ngayon, para sa aking mga primera-klaseng baraha…

He then inserts nine cards into his Diendriver.

Voice of the Diendriver: KAMEN RIDE: LUKE FON FABRE! ASCH! RODDICK FARRENCE! CECIL HARVEY! PRINCE OF PERSIA! HASEO! BEN TENNYSON! RAZELUXE MEITZEN! SUZAKU KURURUGI!

The nine characters, who are all voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, then show up between the locations of Friendly Units 2 and 5.

Matthew Luke: Wh-Wha?!
The Heckler Summoner: O ano, namangha kayo? Sit tight, ’cause the REAL show is about to start.
Hyacinth: Alright! Dahil dito, tumaas na ang morale natin!
Lt. Col. Juanon: But don’t get too cocky, OK?

All Friendly Units decide to use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. Current barrier strength: 65%.

Enemy Turn 3

All Enemy Units decide to get out of the barrier area. But before they decide to attack, Guest Unit 4 decides to perform something.

The mysterious guy inserts a gold-foiled card into his Diendriver, and…

Voice of the Diendriver: FINAL ATTACK RIDE: SU-SU-SUZAKU KURURUGI!
The Heckler Summoner: Sic ’em, boys!

When the Diendriver’s trigger is fired, Luke, Asch, Roddick, Cecil, the Prince of Persia, Haseo, Ben, and Raze all get behind Suzaku and prepare themselves for several powerful Spinzaku Kicks. The Spinzaku Kicks completely obliterate Enemy Units 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.

KR Decade: Ngek! Diend, ikaw na naman? Oh well, mukhang mas madali na ang trabaho natin.

Shocked by the turnout, Enemy Units 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 decide to return inside the barrier and do nothing.

Player Turn 4

KR Decade: Hinding-hindi ako patatalo sa iyo! I’ve got a unique card, too!
KR Dragon Knight: May I ask what’s in that card?
KR Decade: It’s a secret. Because if I’ll reveal it… you two might not be going home to your significant others…
KR Wing Knight: Understandable.

As he inserts another specialty card, which is entirely different from the South Park-based Attack Ride card he used on Kris Aquino…

Lt. Col. Juanon: Heh… Who would’ve even thought all this craziness can be contained in just these simple cards?
Matthew Luke: Hoy! You told us before not to get too distracted! Heto kami… we’re almost through breaking the barrier!
Lt. Col. Juanon: Oh yeah, I forgot my own advice.

So what’s the unique card Decade whips up?

Voice of the Decadriver: ATTACK RIDE: 2 GIRLS 1 CUP!

Out of nowhere, “Lovers Theme” by Herve Roy plays. Meanwhile, inside the barrier, the code “MFX 1209” appears, followed shortly by a full-screen shot of two girls who are about to begin one of the most revolting acts ever performed.

Yup. It’s the infamous viral video of two girls defecating into a cup and sharing the disgusting brown substance. And inside the barrier, the remaining Magdalo soldiers (Enemy Units 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5) have their eyes raped by what they see.

After the one-minute video is over, they do one of three things:
1. They flee back inside the Manila Pen, screaming in agony.
2. They vomit gallons and gallons before they faint.
3. They decide to end their own lives by shooting themselves in the head, stating beforehand that they have lost all faith in humanity.

All Enemy Units are eliminated, but the barrier is still standing. All who stand outside the barrier are puzzled by the turnout.

Haycinth: Ano ba’ng ginawa ni Decade at naging ganyan ang mga taga-Magdalo? Oh well… wala na tayong kumpetisyon!

All Friendly Units decide to use the demolition hammers to try to break the barrier. With no competition to hinder them…

Batista: WWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!
Hard Gay: Pierce the heavens, HOOO~!

In just one turn, the barrier surrounding the Peninsula Manila is finally broken.

Matthew Luke: Whew! Sa wakas!
KR Decade: There you go, Nueva Liga Filipina. Tinulungan ko kayo uli.
KR Dragon Knight: We didn’t do much here, really, but a win is a win.
The Heckler Summoner: Yeba! Now that I’m satisfied with the results of my new toy, I can safely get my butt out of here. (teleports)

STRATEGY BATTLE ENDS IN A MAJOR VICTORY!

The Nueva Liga Filipina, the AFP contingent, and the three Kamen Riders then converge, now that they have decisively won the strategy battle.

KR Decade: Matthew Luke, Hyacinth, magpasalamat kayo at tinulungan ko kayo uli.
Matthew Luke: Walang anuman, really. It’s good to see you again, Tsukasa. And you two…
KR Dragon Knight: Yes, I’m sensing something… wonderful from you two.
Matthew Luke: Oh, so you are Kit Taylor and Len, right? But why are you observing us?
KR Dragon Knight: To make the long story short… I may or may not have a faint connection with you, young man… and my love, Kyoko Sakura… she may or may not have a faint connection with you, young woman.
KR Wing Knight: Well, since we stepped into this… foreign land… he couldn’t stop sensing… some great power within you. He told me that the connections he senses have an… emotionally dimensional element to it.
KR Decade: Man, all this talk about dimensions makes me want to leave.

Just then, a portal appears.

KR Decade: Perfect timing. We must all go now. See you again sometime, Nueva Liga Filipina.
KR Dragon Knight: It was nice meeting you for even a few minutes… but as he says… we will meet again in different pages someday.
KR Wing Knight: Until then… farewell, future allies.

The three Kamen Riders then walk towards the portal, which then vanishes.

Lt. Col. Juanon: Man… we never expected the Manila Pen siege to turn out like this… But then, phase 1 of the counterattack is a success. We musn’t rest on our laurels yet.
Matthew Luke: Yes! Just you wait and see, Trillanes… your days of trouble-making are over!

Meanwhile, inside the still-occupied Manila Pen…

Trillanes is getting absolutely angry at both the loss of the barrier and many of his men. To express his anger, he blurts out a long chain of curse words in different languages, ending with the following:

Trillanes: Walang-kuwentang *()*&^##(&$#$ barrier generator na ito! (slams the generator, which was damaged once the barrier was broken) Hindi natin inasahan that several powerful German-made jackhammers, tatlong sawsawerong Masked Riders, ang card freak na iyon na ginaya si Lolzaku, at ang p***ng 2 Girls 1 Cup na iyan ang bubulilyaso sa plano natin! Talagang mga hinayupak na mga kakampi ni Gloria Butangera na iyan…!
Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim: Master, at least meron pa tayong plan B. Any minute from now, susugod sila rito. Kaya mabuti pang i-activate ang mga optical camouflage devices natin.
Trillanes: (calms down) Good, good. I just lost my patience. Yung plan A sana ang best plan natin. But just you wait and see, Nueva Liga Filipina kuno! Your subnormal intelligence is the very essence of your humiliating pathetic existence. You will outsmart us no more in our sincere fight against the one and only source of corruption in this country! AHAHAHAHA!!!

Once the optical camouflage devices are activated on Trillanes, Lim, and Guingona…

…the thrill of the hunters and the hunted begins.

Stars Introduced So Far

None

[Note: Due to events that happened in the previous episode, the following characters cannot be recruited into the party nor be used in strategy battles in the meantime.

1. Setsumi
2. Asa
3. Athrun
4. Zenki
5. Multi
6. Serio
7. Milfeulle
8. Ayu
9. Misuzu
10. Reverie
11. Arcueid
12. Saber
13. Shiho
14. Lemmy
15. Hattori
16. Mizuki
17. Serika
18. Naruto
19. Mami
20. Shinn
21. Jin
22. Ranpha
23. Forte
24. Viki
25. Genjo Sanzo
26. Katie
27. Mint
28. Meis
29. Yumi
30. Sachiko
31. Kazuma
32. Vanilla H
33. Aoi

Make sure to use the remaining characters judiciously.]

Early November 2007.

The last month saw The N3 Collective commence its assault on the supposedly “inferior” Filipino culture by erecting its “sub-only globe”, which makes unfortunate victims speak Japanese, whether they like it or not. While the effects of that globe are still felt in some parts of the Philippines, there are other problems that the Nueva Liga Filipina has to tackle.

Like Lt. (s.g.) Antonio Trillanes IV and his Magdalo Group, which has allied with the Aquinos and Sir Gabby’s motley crew.

At Balay Kapatiran’s command center, the still-conscious members of the Nueva Liga Filipina are hard at work in monitoring both the Magdalo Group’s and the N3 Collective’s activities — specially that their active numbers have temporarily dwindled due to the effects of the “sub-only globe” that knocked the Japanese fictional characters unconscious.

Meanwhile, back at an undisclosed location where the Magdalo Group and its cohorts are planning for a repeat of the 2003 Oakwood mutiny, where Trillanes was also the mastermind…

Trillanes: Ang galit… ang silakbo… ang siyang magiging ningas… at sandata… para pabagsakin ang pesteng Arroyo at ang kanyang mga galamay! At salamat sa aking mga backers… natuklasan ko ang isang concoction upang ilabas ang galit na kailangang-kailangan natin!

That concoction Trillanes is talking about? It is a hybrid DNA injection composing of Orphnoch genes the group has secured from DJ Mo’s corpse, the Las Plagas genes the Aquinos have acquired from a secret agent who infiltrated the Ganados’ village after Osmund Saddler was killed, and Makamou genes culled from another secret agent, who was working for Sir Gabby before mysteriously disappearing.

The concoction has the ability to amplify a human’s basal anger and hatred and harness them to enhance the human’s physical and magical strengths. While the concoction lacks the mutation-inducing properties of the Orphnoch DNA and Las Plagas, anyone injected with the concoction seethes with monstrous anger that is enough to strike fear into its enemies.

With backing from the moneyed members of those who oppose Arroyo, Trillanes was able to create many samples and inject them into several test subjects, including select members of the Magdalo Group, Lopez loyalists, and other notable personalities in the opposition. No adverse reactions were recorded, making the whole experiment a rousing success.

After the administering of the concoction, Trillanes declares the following.

Trillanes: With our combined power, ang sinumang babangga sa atin ay siguradong magigiba! We will be a force to be reckoned with! We will start a new EDSA! Viva el Partido Liberal de los Amarillos de Familia Cojuangco-Aquino!

His plan? While he and his cohorts are on trial for the Oakwood mutiny, they will all angrily flee from the court and instigate another rebellion by invading Makati. The group will take over a luxury hotel and serve as its headquarters. There, they will call for President Arroyo’s resignation and will develop desperate measures if that huge demand is not met. Those measures, of course, will involve lots of blood-spilling, especially Arroyo’s.

November 29, 2007.

The Oakwood mutiny trial commences. While the court is in session, Trillanes chants the following.

Trillanes: Ken Ken Paa! Ken Ken Paa! Magparami, magparami! Patayin si Arroyo at ang kanyang mga alipores and ang masa’y magpupunyagi!

While everyone in the court is baffled by his chant, Trillanes and his cohorts emit a burning red-black aura. Their eyes also burn red while their faces show gradually increasing amounts of anger.

The mutineers then storm out of the court, causing destruction to the court house. Anyone who tries to intercept them are easily dispatched.

Eventually, after a march that emanates burning anger and seething hatred for Arroyo, the Magdalo Group and its associates eventually landed at the Peninsula Manila. In less than an hour, the entire hotel is taken by force. Hotel management, employees, and patrons flee the Manila Pen out of fear due to the immense unholy power the Magdalo Group emanates.

Some hours later, other personalities sympathetic to the group’s cause eventually enter the premises of the occupied hotel. They have been easily bewitched by the unholy aura of anger and hatred that Trillanes and company emit.

Trillanes, along with former vice-president Teofisto Guingona and Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim, declares the following on a website which he set up himself post-haste.

“Lt. (s.g.) Antonio Trillanes, Brig. Gen. Danilo Lim, Magdalo soldiers, their guards, and the people have started marching towards Makati triangle.

We presently find in existence a dangerous concept where the armed forces now owe their primary allegiance and loyalty to those who temporarily exercise the authority of the executive branch of the government rather than to the country and the Constitution they have sworn to protect. That is a concept we defy and struggle to eradicate. If you believe you are a man of will and courage with unselfish motives and brave enough to fight against such tyranny, rise up and be counted! Let your seething anger be the spark to fight that tyranny and shed gallons and gallons of blood doing so!”

Ladies and gentlemen, the Manila Peninsula siege has officially commenced.

Stars Introduced So Far

None

“‘Murkan Fools. Your intellect is as weak as your dollar. Failure is your destiny. You disrespect yourself and your nation. You are made of stupid.”

Thus says Liluts Kokizzle Gandanghari Volfango, the “Dear Leader” of The N3 Collective.

“You scum of the earth, led by that silver wretch, want to topple us by slaying our best and most loyal soldiers and believers one by one? That will not faze us one bit! You are no different from that organization that promises ‘true Philippine freedom’ — there is no freedom to be found in the Fail-penis… FOREVER!”

As he extends his arm to the skies above his organization’s highly-secured fortress atop Taal Volcano…

“Let the eternal glory of Nippon be known to this disgrace of a country, and eventually to this disgrace of a planet, by this instrument… a ‘sub-only globe’ that will make everyone and everything voiced in the glorious tongue of Nippon and always subtitled in every other language than the glorious tongue of Nippon…”

He then sings “Umi Yukaba”, a Japanese patriotic song which was sung by Japanese soldiers during World War II.

“Umi yukaba
Mizuku kabane
Yama yukaba
Kusa musu kabane
Okimi no he ni koso shiname
Kaerimi wa seji.”

Seconds after the song ends, the following happens.

Several kanji runes glow above Taal Volcano’s crater, and those runes then materialize into a huge black globe floating above the crater. The globe then glows red as a red beam emanates from it and soars to the skies.

Minutes later, around 65% of people all over the Philippines unexpectedly speak Japanese, and from their perspective, they see subtitles in English, Filipino, and every other Philippine dialect.

Confusion ensures, and the people who are affected by the spell eventually involve themselves in bickering and fighting each other, as the force-fed Japanese spoken by them became a huge source of misunderstandings — this is because the Japanese language takes at least ten years for a person to master its intricacies.

Of course, the “Dear Leader” is very proud that he and his posse are taking the first step to forcefully preach everything about Japan, whether the people like them or not.

“This is but the first step towards the Japanese domination of the world! I believe that Yamato-damashii is the solution to everything… especially the decrepit, corrupt, and inferior Western culture. Soon… SOON… the Japanese State in the Philippines, or the JSIP, will be built upon the ruins of this poor, pathetic excuse of a country! NIPPON BANZAI!”

This anomaly, fortunately, is picked up by the people manning Balay Kapatiran’s command center.

Mr. Tulfo is trying to determine the source of the anomaly, but the command center’s giant screen picks up static.

Mr. Tulfo: Mga anak ng kolokoy… The N3 is really trying to outsmart us. They must be using many types of communication shields and jammers to prevent detection. But nonetheless…

He commands his personal staff to device ways to counter the shields and jammers in order to detect the source of the anomaly. Fortunately, the staff members are not affected by the spell.

However, the Stars of Destiny who come from Japanese works got unlucky. Some hours after the black globe was activated, they fell unconscious one by one. Of course, Matthew Luke and Hyacinth are deeply concerned. They immediately rush to the command center, and a very serious Mr. Tulfo greets them.

Mr. Tulfo: Alam ninyo siguro kung bakit kayo nandito, hindi ba?
Matthew Luke: Yes, Sir Bitag. Gusto naming malaman kung bakit biglang hinimatay ang mga Ren’ai Rangers, ang mga Galaxy Angels except Nene, si Katie, si Jin, pati na sina Multi at Serio…
Hyacinth: Basically, ang mga anime characters na mga kasama natin sa Nueva Liga Filipina…
Mr. Tulfo: Well then… here is my report.

Matthew Luke and Hyacinth receive a printed report regarding the anomaly — and from that report and their fellow Stars of Destiny falling into unconsciousness…

Matthew Luke: Oo… alam na namin mula pa sa simula… na ang N3 Collective ang nasa likod ng lahat nito. How far can those weeaboos go just to show their obsession with everything Japanese?

Meanwhile, Kira has his own blog, where he writes violent polemics against the NLF and nothing but fanboy-like praise for the N3 Collective.

But a concerned netizen begs to differ, as that netizen wrote something in the comments section of the blog. He actually wrote some comments before, but Kira just deleted them all and marked them as spam. But the netizen persists…

LIKE JOEY DE LEON ASKS TO WILLIE REVILLAME… “KAPAG ANG ISANG BATA AY NADAPA, TINATANONG NATIN… BAKIT?”

YOU DELETED MY REPLY ON YOUR RANT THAT IS A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BLOG ENTRY. FINE. I WILL ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION JDL ASKED TO WILLIE… “BAKIT?”

ARE YOU AFRAID ENOUGH TO DELETE MY POST? PATUNAY LANG NA ANG GINAWA MO… NA IKAW TALAGA AY ISANG MALAKING KATANGAHAN! KASINGBOBO MO YUNG MGA TAGA-N3 NA IYAN! AT HIGIT SA LAHAT, ISANG MALAKING KADUWAGAN!

AKO LANG PALA ANG KATAPAT MO… SA HALIP NA SUMAGOT KA SA MGA SINULAT KO, WALA KANG GINAWA KUNDI BURAHIN ANG POST KO…

AKALA KO BA MATAPANG KA? HANGGANG LAKAS NG APOG LANG ANG KAYA MO… YOU’RE RUNNING YOUR BIG MOUTH THROUGH YOUR WRITING; BUT IF THEY COUNTERATTACK, YOU CAN’T EVEN MOVE FROM YOUR SEAT!

KAWAWA KA NAMAN, NILAMON NA NGA NG KABOBOHAN ANG UTAK MO, MARAMI KA PANG NILOLOKO!

PAYO KO LANG, KUNG MAGIGING JOURNALIST KA, KUNG TALAGANG IDOLO MO ANG NUEVA LIGA FILIPINA NA IYONG INIWAN, MAGING UNBIASED KA, BALANSE AT RESPONSABLE KA! BUT BY THE WAY YOU WRITE, IT’S JUST LIKE A COW’S CRAP! NO… YOUR “JOURNALISM” IS INDEED A COW’S CRAP!

UULITIN KO, GO BACK TO GRADE SCHOOL DAHIL SAKSAKAN KA NG BOBO!

MAY MGA TAO DIYAN HINDI NAKAPAGTAPOS, PERO ALAM NILA ANG TAMA AT MALI, PERO IKAW NA NAG-AARAL PA, ONE SIDED KA NA, PINAGTATANGGOL MO PA ANG MGA TAONG GUMAWA NG PAGKAKAMALI!

DUWAG KA! CHUPAENG! A BIASED BASTARD! SALOT KA SA LIPUNAN!

NGAYON MO IPAKITA ANG TAPANG MO! DON’T EVER PUT YOUR DIGNITY AND PRIDE ON THE

LINE, WALA KA NAMAN NUN DAHIL SA KABOBOHAN MO AT SA KITID NG UTAK MO!

MAGKATULAD NGA KAYO NG MGA TAGA-N3! PROPAGANDA LANG AT HINDI KATOTOHANAN ANG SINASAKSAK NINYONG LAHAT SA MGA PILIPINONG KATULAD KO!

HANGGANG MAAGA AY TUMIGIL KA NA SA MGA ONE-SIDED JOURNALISM MO, DAHIL ALAM KONG ANG MGA SO-CALLED FRIENDS MO, PINAG-TITIISAN KA LANG! HUWAG MONG HINTAYING MAY MGA MAG-ALBUROTO SA IYO!

NASA LIKOD MO PA RIN AKO PARA ITUWID ANG MGA PAGKAKAMALI AT PAGKAKASALA MO SA MGA TAO!

GHOSTINTHESHELL, HEADIN’ OUT!

Once Kira finished reading the netizen’s polemics…

…he gets really furious and attempts to storm out of the Taal Volcano fortress. Fortunately, he is captured by some still-loyal N3 soldiers.

What the organization does to Kira… let’s just say it’s some kind of “re-education”.

Stars Introduced So Far

None

Thanks go to CZ_Guy of the PinoyExchange forums for a post that served as inspiration for the first part of this episode.

September 2007, Balay Kapatiran.

This hasn’t been told yet, but ever since the Nueva Liga Filipina was established, Matthew Luke and Hyacinth maintain a blog wherein they write not just their accomplishments, but also their opinions and inner thoughts on several topics. Other Stars of Destiny also contribute to the blog as guest authors.

But now, as the childhood friends prepare to update their blog, they notice several flame-worthy comments on their several entries. They are prepared to mark those comments as spam, but…

Reverie: Matthew Luke, Hyacinth, sa tingin ko… yung mga gumawa ng mga libelous posts na iyon… ay galing sa iisang IP address…
Matthew Luke: Ba’t mo nasabi iyon, Reverie?
Reverie: Base sa mga natutunan ko mula sa mga experts on Internet culture mula sa PinoyExchange forums, merong tinatawag na mga alternicks (alternate nicknames) o mga sockpuppets. Ang isang tao ay may abilidad na gumawa ng mga multiple user accounts para iparating sa iba na marami ang boses na sang-ayon o kontra sa isang isyu. Gamit ang aking internal IP tracking application, napag-alaman ko na karamihan sa mga libelous comments sa blog ninyo ay galing sa iisang tao at IP address, ngunit gumagamit siya ng mga multiple accounts, proxies, firewalls, at iba pang techniques upang itago ang kanyang pagkakakilanlan.
Hyacinth: Kung gayon, alam mo na ba kung sino yung source?
Reverie: Oo! Ang source… ay si “Vincenzo B. Arellano” ng Magdalo Group.
Matthew Luke: Grr! Kahit sa cyberspace, they really are fighting dirty! Sige, we’ll mark those comments as spam and delete them!

As Reverie takes her leave, Matthew Luke and Hyacinth start their mass purge of insensitive, senseless comments. But as the hours pass, they notice that the comments gradually increase in number, coupled with randomized handle names.

Not ignoring basic necessities, the childhood friends continue their purge of flame comments day and night, implementing things like IP blocking as recommended by Reverie. Here’s a summary of the flame posts and the childhood friends’ reactions to them.

Morning shift, flame comments:

Yadda yadda yadda… Hello Garci, NBN-ZTE, fertilizer scam, Euro generals… Gloria… blah blah… Resign! Raissa Robles, CNN, Yay! Blah blah… Survey, survey… blah blah (frothing at the mouth)… Ampalaya… Blah blah… I am not a tool… blah blah… Now more than ever… Live and let die.

Matthew Luke and Hyacinth’s reactions:

Rule of law, logic, decency… blah blah… doing the right things… Blah blah… doing things right. Sana ma-gets mo.

Night shift, flame comments:

No! no! no! Technicalities! Judas Priest… damning evidence, physical evidence… kahon-kahong ebidensiya… convicting Gloria… damn keyboard…

Miscellaneous friendly comments by Pritong Kandule:

Tsonggo sa palasyo… Cosplay Mania… aso ni Raffy Tulfo, nakaladkad ng PNR…

Matthew Luke and Hyacinth’s reaction:

Ahaha… pwede kang maging komedyante when you’re not on the battlefield, Ninong.

Morning shift, flame comments:

Survey… survey… Ampalaya much? Knorr copy-paste… Sabaw… copy-paste… ng sinigang… copy-paste… blah blah… live and let die.

Matthew Luke and Hyacinth’s reactions:

Hay, buhay… SPIN, SPIN, SPIN. Rinse, repeat.

But as they continue deleting flame posts that still keep on multiplying, the childhood friends hear an explosion. Alarms flood the entire headquarters shortly afterwards.

Matthew Luke and Hyacinth: Alam na natin kung ano ang nagyayari ngayon: Balay Kapatiran is under siege!

After immediately organizing defense measures, including a physical contingent consisting of five teams, a voice belonging to a cocky man greets the childhood frinds once they arrive outside the Balay Kapatiran’s premises.

“Hello, mga morally bankrupt na talangka!”

No doubt, that voice belongs to Lt. Trillanes. Accompanying him are the combined Lopez loyalist forces, an Aquino-backed militia group, and a contingent of the Magdalo Group that he leads.

Matthew Luke: Sabi ko na nga ba’t babalik ka upang makag-troll uli sa amin… Antonio Troll-anes.
Trillanes: Ang lahat ng mga kabalbalan sa bansang ito… pati na ang samahan ninyong walang kuwenta… ay nagsimula sa masamang damo na si Gloria Arroyo. Salot talaga siya ng bayan. Dapat talaga diyan sa kanya… silya elektrika!
Hyacinth: Si Gloria rito, si Gloria roon. Must you trace everything bad to her? No wonder ikaw ay isang certified war freak. Sinasabi mo na ipinaglalaban mo ang mga inaaping Pilipino, but your actions prove otherwise!
Trillanes: No, you! Punung-puno kayo ng PAIT at CYNICISM at talagang wala nang maganda o mabuti sa mga mata ninyo! Kaawa-awa….
Matthew Luke: Pessimists we are not. Bilang isang neutral organization, we think things thoroughly before taking a stand on something. Hindi tulad ng mga Aquinong mga tunay na masters ninyo — basta anumang hindi paborable sa kanila, pinagtatakpan nila agad using the power of mass media. Isang example diyan ang mga online trolls na todo-kayod sa pag-post sa mga flame comments sa website namin!
Trillanes: Ang ginagawa ninyo sa mga Aquino ay painfully finding something wrong where there is none. L. M. A. O.
Matthew Luke: Pero alam na namin kung sinong nagpasimuno ng mga online trolls na iyan. Once we eliminate you, bistado na ang lantarang panloloko ninyo sa sambayanan!
Trillanes: Hinding-hindi ako magagapi… dahil marami ang nagmamahal sa akin. Tingnan niyo ang mga kababaihang nagtitili kapag naaninag nila ang mukha ko sa telebisyon!
Hyacinth: Hmph. Ang tawag diyan sa mga babaeng ganyan kung umasta… ay mga CHEAP PINAY. Ang mga hindi cheap, hinding-hindi titili sa mga katulad mong piyukin, duwag, mahinang klase, inferior, at bobo!
Trillanes: Grr! You all piss me off! Sige, mga kampon ko! Patayin silang lahat!

Strategy Battle 5: Base Is Under Attack

Victory Condition: Defeat Lt. Trillanes’s unit.

Loss Condition: All friendly units are defeated.

STRATEGY BATTLE START!

The Nueva Liga Filipina successfully defends its home base via a simple strategy: a swift surgical strike towards Lt. Trillanes’s unit. Strong magic users guarded by tank units played a major role in this surgical strike.

STRATEGY BATTLE ENDS IN A MAJOR VICTORY!

Trillanes: Mga hinayupak talaga kayo! Pero panghimagas pa lang ito… ang main course na ihahanda namin ang siguradong gigimbala sa inyong lahat nang tuluyan — at papatay sa pekeng pangulo dulot ng matinding sindak! Ako pa rin ang sasalba sa Pilipinas mula sa mga gunggong na talangkang tulad n’yo! Viva el Partido Liberal de los Amarillos de Familia Cojuangco-Aquino!

His forces then withdraw quickly.

Some minutes later, at the control center…

Mr. Tulfo: Even without my directive, nakuha ninyo pa ring i-repel ang mga intruders sa base natin. That is to be commended.
Matthew Luke: Ehehe… that’s nothing.
Hyacinth: Pero sigurado tayo that Trillanes will be a major major pain in our butts as long as he exists. Tingnan ninyo… siya yung pasimuno ng pagtanggal ng mga anime sa TV, ng panggugulo sa Davao, at ngayon…
Matthew Luke: He allied himself with Sir Gabby. As much as I hate Sir Gabby now for backstabbing us, I still have some respect for him.
Beatriz: Oo. Respeto. Dapat huwag nating dalhin ang ating poot at galit sa sinuman hanggang sa huling hantungan.

On the next episode… the N3 Collective has something more sinister in its sleeves, knowing that its members are being slain one by one by the silver vigilante.

Stars Introduced So Far

None

August 2007.

How’d Angel, Vicky, Korina, and Willie fare after their departure from the Nueva Liga Filipina?

Angel is wandering around the metropolis, aimlessly wandering from road to road. Many people notice her and wonder why she is not with the Nueva Liga Filipina, but she never minds them as she searches for another random place to go to.

This time, the tsundere harmonixer has her feet set on Bonifacio Global City in Taguig. Specifically, the Mind Museum. And by sheer coincidence, she meets her destined rival, Marian Rivera.

Marian: Heh heh heh. Buti’t nagpakita ka, ingrata.
Angel: Hindi. Malaki nga ang utang ko sa GMA. Umalis lang ako roon dati dahil sa literal na network war na hindi ko matiis.
Marian: At noong umalis ka, heto na ako. Inagaw ko ang pwesto mo. At ikaw naman, sinuka ng taumbayan. Para bagang… merong secret curse ang mga tulad mong nag-ober da bakod.
Angel: (tsun-tsun mode) Eh kung noong lumipat si Toni Gonzaga sa Dos eh walang nagreklamo? Pero ako, bakit ako?
Marian: Dahil… bistado na ang pagka-tsundere mo! Kung tutuusin, mas gusto ng mga Hapon ang mga tsundere. Ba’t di ka na lang lumipat doon?
Angel: H-hindi ko naman iiwanan ang bansang ito o anuman! Kaya ngayon, Marian Rivera, babawiin ko ang tiwalang nawala sa akin dahil sa mga kagagawan mo! Alam ko na ikaw ang pasimuno ng demolition campaign laban sa akin noong lumipat ako sa Kapamilya Network!
Marian: I won’t let a selfish, icy b**** like you take the title of True Telenovela Goddess!
Angel: Hmph. You’re thinking that we’re like the goddesses of Gamindustri — always rivals. Fine. At least mas malaki ang hinaharap ko — at iyan ang isang patunay ng lakas ng isang diyosa. Ikaw naman… nagparetoke ka lang kay doktora para lumakas ang goddess powers mo, dahil ang natural na hinaharap mo ay mas mapatag pa kaysa sa isang mesang pwedeng pag-planking-an!
Marian: (vein pops up) The hell’s that? Listen to that crap, talkin’ out yer butt! I’ll kill you! DIE!

[Duel: Angel Locsin vs. Marian Rivera]

GET READY — ATTACK!

Attack:
Pulpol ka talaga!
Puro ebak ang lumalabas sa bibig mo!
Pwedeng paki-examine yung utak mo?
Namatay si Kennedy sa gutom, ugok!
Silly b****, yo’ fusions cannot harm me!

Defend:
Tapos ka na bang mag-tantrum?
Hugasan mo na rin ang kamay mo… nangangamoy na ang keyboard mo.
Sino ngayon ang walang alam sa ating dalawa?
Y. O. L. O.
Are you still CLUTCHING AT STRAWS?

Deathblow:
Makakatikim ka ng nagngangalit na sapak ng Tausug!
FUS-RO-DAH!
It’s time for some girl on girl crime!
Magdusa kang troll ka!
Toss my salad!

[End of duel]

The outcome of Angel and Marian’s duel is a draw. Both duelists are exhausted, but their furious hatred for each other hasn’t faded away. They simultaneously speak out:

“Hindi pa tayo tapos. Sa susunod na magkukrus ang ating landas, isa sa atin ang tuluyang tutumba.”

They then separately leave the Mind Museum premises. The children who are visiting the facility are puzzled on why two grown women get into a rated-PG catfight.

Meanwhile…

Vicky goes back to her usual job of managing her beauty clinic chain, Forever Flawless. But in her office, she laments on saying that offensive statement to her (ex-)fellow Star of Destiny, Boy Abunda, and why she did it. Business-minded readers will easily point out competition as the main culprit.

Dr. Belo: Kung pinigil ko sana ang emosyon ko tuwing nakikita ko si Boy… hindi ko sana sinabi ang kabulastugang ito, at hindi sana ako tumiwalag sa Nueva Liga Filipina. Alam ko na nahihirapan si Doc Hattori sa pananatiling healthy ng mga miyembro ng Nueva Liga Filipina… pero makakahanap rin sila ng isa pang doktor. A doctor from a fantasy land.

Roughly at the same time Doc Belo lamented her doing, Boy contemplates in his own room at the Balay Kapatiran.

Boy: Alam ko na ang Nueva Liga Filipina promotes fairness, as Master Matthew Luke and Mistress Hyacinth can attest. Pero bakit nakuha ni Vicky na saktan ang damdamin ko…? *sigh* Never mind. I’ll decide to peddle perfumes that “smell like me” para maiba naman.

With that decision, he calls an old business partner of his, as well as Nigel, to make arrangements regarding his planned perfume line. Of course, in the spirit of fairness, he notifies Matthew Luke and Hyacinth of his plan.

Meanwhile, at Mar and Korina’s shared house…

Korina is gradually being sent to the anti-Arroyo side by her husband, Mar, by being forced to her him cuss at Gloria Macapagal Arroyo endlessly.

All sorts of insults, slurs, and other offensive language can be heard from the house’s interior, such as “Gloria Magnanakaw Arrovo”, “the evil midget”, and “President Evil”. Even Arroyo’s supporters aren’t spared, as they’re called “Gloretards”, “Glotards”, “ampalaya”, “talangka”, and related names.

Mar, of course, is delighted that he’s converting his wife into the anti-Arroyo fold.

Mar: Excellente! Sobreexcellente! Ngayon, hindi mo na kailangan ang hinayupak na Nueva Liga Filipina kuno! Akin ka na lang, pati na ang sarili mong prinsipyo! Tayong dalawa — tayo’y bahagi na ng pwersang kontra katiwalian na si Arroyo mismo ang puno’t dulo! P***ng ina ka, Arroyo!

Korina: Ahaha! Agree na ako sa iyo, my darling Mar! P***ng ina ka rin, Arroyo! Ahaha!

Meanwhile, at the facade of Resorts World Manila…

Willie lives the life of a wanderer, having voluntarily abandoned his own show for the reason of reflection.

He is resting at the garden, until…

????: Kapag ang isang bata ay nadapa, tinatanong natin… bakit?

The man who catches Willie by surprise is none other than… Joey de Leon.

Willie: Lintik ka, Joey. Kahit sa aking pag-iisa… alam kong susulpot ka para lang inisin ako.
Joey: Hindi. Sagutin mo muna ang tanong ko… “Kapag ang isang bata ay nadapa, tinatanong natin… bakit?”
Willie: Ugh…
Joey: Ito ay dahil hindi tinignan ng bata ang kanyang dadaanan! Hayun, nadapa siya. Kung mamalasin siya, pwede siyang masagasaan ng trak at mamatay.
Willie: Eh ano ang pinararating mo?
Joey: Pare, mas matagal ako sa industriya ng showbiz kaysa sa iyo. Kaya bilang isang beterano, tinuturuan kita ng leksiyon.
Willie: Anong leksiyon?
Joey: Na kaya ka nagkakaproblema doon sa Nueva Liga Filipina ay pilit mong tinatakpan ang responsibilidad mo! Yung mga 71 na namatay sa Ultra? Kagagawan mo iyon, dahil kinumbinse mo ang mga tao doon na “iyan ang daan tungo sa pag-ahon sa kahirapan”! Kaya hayun, nagka-stampede!
Willie: Akala ko… naresolba na ang isyu tungkol sa 71 na iyon? Sa tulong nina Liz at Charo?
Joey: Responsibilidad, p’re. Responsiilidad. Iyon ang dapat iukit sa manhid na kukote mo. Kung ayaw mo pa rin aminin na may kasalanan ka sa nangyari… ako… na inako ang konsiyensya mo… (readies his battle stance) ang magpapaamin sa iyo.
Willie: Sige… kung gusto mo ng laban, papayag ako! Hinding-hindi ako bibigay sa mga gusto mong mangyari! Dahil… (readies his battle stance) ako pa rin ang hari ng noontime show!

[Duel: Willie Revillame vs. Joey de Leon]

LIVE AND LET DIE — FIGHT!

Attack:
Explain before you complain.
Ano bang pinagsasabi nilang insertion?
Ang taong nagigipit, SA BUMBAY KUMAKAPIT!
Pinagbibintangan mo akong nagnakaw ng tortang talong, samantalang ang ulam ko ay menudo?!
You’re a talentless one-man propaganda machine!

Defend:
Pagano lang ang naniniwala sa karma.
Starzan punta ilog… hugas itlog!
Sumasakit ang migraine ko, parang binibiyak!
Panot si Bembol Roco!
Nagluto ka ng jumbo footlong hotdog at ipinasok mo iyan sa iyong bibig!

Deathblow:
Ika’y parang saging — ang sarap mong balatan, eh.
Ika’y parang saging na pang-bananacue — ang sarap mong tuhugin, eh.
Isang bala ka lang… pero wala akong baril.
Get out of my house. I don’t need a parasite!
Tsong… mabibisto ka rin balang araw…

[End of duel]

The two are gasping for breath as their duel draws to a non-conclusive end.

Joey: Sige… Ayoko pang… sayangin… ang lakas ko… pero ang duelong ito… ang bubukas sa makitid mong utak… May araw ka rin… Willie Revillame! (leaves)
Willie: Joey de Leon… HINDI PA RIN TAYO TAPOS!

Willie continues his reflection. Someday, he will realize what Joey intended to imply in their duel… in the harshest way possible.

Meanwhile, at the ELJCC…

Sir Gabby and other anti-Arroyo forces (including the Cojuangco-Aquinos) hatch an elaborate plan to demonize the Nueva Liga Filipina as a group of coup plotters.

Simply put, what they are planning is a coup d’etat in Makati near the end of the year, using the powers of mass media to pin the blame on Matthew Luke and Hyacinth’s army, as well as the beleaguered President Arroyo. Of course, with the same manupulation, they will be branded as “heroes”.

Lt. Trillanes, who acts as the default leader of the anti-Arroyo forces, says the following:

Trillanes: Labis ko po kayong ipinapaumanhin sa pag-uusig sa organisasyong kusa ninyong iniwan. Ngayong pareho na ang ating mga kaaway — ang Nueva Liga Filipina kuno at ang pekeng pangulo na si Arroyo, tanging tayo ang kokontrol sa Pilipinas sa pamamagitan ng “pagligtas” nito!

The rest have only this to say, emulating the “Sieg Heil!”

“Viva el Partido Liberal de los Amarillos de Familia Cojuangco-Aquino! Tuloy ang Laban!”

The plan being hatched will be a lot worse that what Elliot Carver did in the James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies.

Stars Introduced So Far

None

Photobucket

Picture from the Philippine Internet Freedom Alliance

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